Monday, March 15, 2010

Why 'Everything in Moderation' Does Not Work for Me

We have all heard it before: Everything in moderation! Moderation is key! You can have that donut, but just that 1! And then it's salads and cous cous for you!

Well, friends...you know who tells you these things and means them? REALLY means them? Skinny people and health nuts. And, hi my skinny and health-nutty friends! Because I know you're out there and I really do mean this will ALL due respect. But you should know that genetically blessed and overly athletic friends who say 'everything in moderation' are the fat chick's nightmare come true.

And admittedly, that's 90% to do with my (lack of) self control. I accept that fact. I own that fact. And accordingly, here's why everything in moderation does not work for me:

1. No, actually, I can NOT have that 1 donut. Because that 1 donut leads to 3 or 4 donuts. Not to salads and cous cous. Not to moderation.

2. Because 'everything in moderation' leads me to justify a grande dark cherry chocolate mocha from Starbucks* since:
a) it's seasonal!
b) I ordered it with no whip and skim milk!

3. Because I invited about 25 people to my son's birthday party, and his cake was actually 5 cakes shlepped together with 3 1/2 tubs of frosting. Moder-what?

4. Because there are leftover Skittles. And with everything in moderation, 1 or 2 Skittles have, like, NO calories, right? And I avoided those leftover Skittles for 2 days and then packed them up to bring into work and hand off to my (skinnier, eat things in moderation) co-workers. And there they sit...in my top desk drawer...taunting...taunting...

5. Because that home made cookie I can supposedly eat in moderation? It's 4 points. But the 100 calorie pack of cookies which leaves no room for discretion about how 'moderate' the serving size is? 2 points.

Moderation is not key for me. Control is key. And it's something I need to re-gain.

Because, somwhere inside the fat girl grabbing a fistful of Skittles is the girl my husband married. I want her back.



* I have Starbucks and their seasonl drink tomfoolery to thank for this post. Oh, yes, I am admitting it here and now: I thought this post out in my head as I waited in the drive thru yesterday for my Grande Non-Fat No Whip Dark Chocolate Mocha. Iced, please. And I felt just a tiny bit more virtuous when I was offered a free sample of the new pumpkin loaf and had the self-control to say, "No Thanks." So put that in your 'everything in moderation' pipe and smoke it!

4 comments:

Jennifer said...

I'm sorry, did you say something about moderation? I didn't manage to get past "a grande dark cherry chocolate mocha from Starbucks" because my mind floated off in a sea of chocolate in a canoe made of cherries. Chocolate + Cherries = my two favoritest flavors in the whole universe.

Seriously though moderation isn't working for me either. For this reason, my cupboards are completely bare. All I have in the freezer is veggie burgers and healthy bread in the fridge (for lunches) and a few "Eating Right" frozen dinners. I HAD some WW Twinkie sort of things... but I ate the entire glorious box in one weekend. So, that was the last time I bought THOSE. I'm right there with you.

Colleen Broach said...

you make me laugh...

skinny health nuts will never understand how hard self control is... They were genetic born with what I was lacking... B!tches (men too).

*wants to shove several boxes of twinkies down several womans throat at the gym daily*
as I am sweating like a PIG on the chopping block on my elliptical.

Blair@HeirtoBlair said...

AMEN. A-FARKING-MEN.

This is why I HAD to do Nutrisystem. So that I had no "options" of creating my own control. Because it's so much harder than just saying "moderation." HA! Tell that to the girl that can pack in an entire bag of peanut butter M&M's in one sitting.

For some of us, it's not moderation. It's learning control. Which is hard for ANYONE if they're honest.

& some of us got the shit end of the genetic gene pool.

Jennifer said...

Blair - I would LOVE to hear more about NutriSystem. I wanted to join but you know... I'm worried I'll hate it and drive to the local fast food place and shovel in a cheeseburger to compensate. Is the food good? Because you know, that's my only priority.

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin