Wednesday, March 19, 2008

"Full Time Mom"

I am breaking the cardinal rule of blogging: I am writing about work. Sort of.

I was informed the other day that a woman I thought was a trusted colleague had some dirt to talk about me, and the crux of it was some nonsense about how she was wondering if I was wanting to be a 'full time mom' since I missed a meeting to be with my sick daughter.

Now, there are a few issues here. One is her talking shit about me even though we're both professional adults (she's, like, my MOM'S age). Another is her talking shit to my boss.
But it's more than that. Isn't it always more than that??? Because when you, as a woman, ask someone's boss (also a woman) if a professional who happens to be a woman (notice a theme here?) is wanting to be a 'full time mom' instead of a working mom, you are really really treading on thin ice.

What the hell is wrong with women? Can ANYONE answer this for me? ANYONE????? Did we or did we not fight for YEARS to gain equal footing in the workplace, in the life and in history? Do we not have the first female Speaker of the House? Is it my imagination, or is there a woman in strong contention for the Presidency as I type this very entry? And yet, in light of - - - or perhaps despite - - - these things, our gender seems to have NO problem hanging each other out to dry and trying to neatly place each other into categories that seem, to me, to have been created by the very system our gender has worked so hard to break out of.

What's wrong with asking if a woman wants to be a 'full time mom' instead of working? Maybe the notion that a woman can't be both a mom AND a professional. Perhaps the implication that a working mom is NOT a full time mom? I'm not sure if this woman got the fucking memo, but moms who work outside the home rarely JUST do that. It's not as though I get up and head to work on my own time, then come home and loaf about the house, only to resume parenting on weekends and state or federal holidays. No, my friends, sad but true: I am a mom 24/7.

I'm a mom when I wake at 3 a.m. to soothe a crying, sweaty baby back to sleep. I am a mom when my morning routine consists of a diaper and outfit change, breastfeeding, bottle cleaning, breakfast and lunch prep, loading the car, and daycare drop off...and that's ALL before 7 a.m. I am a mom when I have to stop working for 20 minutes 3 times a day to pump for my baby. I am a mom when I am sitting at my desk and a thought of Luca flashes through my head and I feel a dull sadness that I can't be with her at that moment. I am a mom when I get home from work and, before I even set down my bags, I have a sweet smiling baby in my arms. I am a mom when she is fighting sleep at 10 p.m., and I'm faced with the knowledge that once she's in bed I still have to shower, prep her stuff for the next day, and wind down.

Full time mom? I didn't know there was another option. Working in the home...working outside the home...stay at home mom...we are ALL working moms and we are ALL full time.


maui8908 said...

Amen sister! Seriously that woman needs to get a clue. I'm glad your boss gave you a heads up though!

Brandi said...

Hell yeah! You are soooo right! And that lady is a twat. Just so you know. ;)


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