Lately, I've been very tired come nighttime, falling asleep on the couch in a pile of pillows and then waking later to drag myself to bed.
The same thing happened tonight, but then I woke at 11 with a headache. I tried to go to bed, but thoughts and worries about my upcoming trip to DC (I leave tomorrow - - or I guess this afternoon, technically) kept me up. So here I am, two tylenol and one less headache later, wide awake waiting for laundry to finish its cycle in the dryer. I know I'll be paying for this tomorrow (today) when I need to get packed, spend as much quality time with my family as possible, and then jet across the country to a lonely hotel room. This will be my longest trip away from my kids to date, taking me to DC for 4 nights. Part of me is excited to see some friends and colleagues, sleep in a bed alone, have control of the remote and be able to take long baths without 2 little blondies insisting on piling in with me. But the other part of me is dreading saying goodbye and actually LIKES sharing bathtime. Making it even harder, Luca and I talked about my leaving today, and she very vividly remembers my last trip to DC. I left on a weekday afternoon that time, so I dropped both kids off on my way to the airport, and she knew I was leaving town so we had a very tearful goodbye. She never cries when we take her to school, but on that day she sobbed as I held her and rocked her and the high school students who work in her classroom circled around us hanging on my every word so they could remember my promises to her (I'll call every day...I'll miss you...I'll see you in our dreams) and repeat them to her in my stead. Those girls...they take good care of her every day, but on that day in particular I was more thankful than ever for the way they love my daughter. She talked about that tonight, and told me she will miss me. And then she said to me, "When you go on the airplane will you tell the people that you miss your husband and your children?". And I laughed because....what 3 year old talks that way??? But I told her that I would.
I am so lucky I have a strong husband who is an amazing dad, because I know when I leave them, I am laeving them in the best possible hands.