"Mommy, can we talk about hospitals?" she asks. It's just one of her typical leading questions, and I was hoping this time it would be benign, unlike last time. I'm cute when I'm so foolishly optimistic, huh?
"Sure, sweetie. Why don't you start?"
"Can you tell me what the hospital did to me when I was little and I borned there?"
"Well, mommy gave birth to you, then they weighed and measured you, checked you to make sure you were healthy, gave you a bath, and helped mommy and daddy take care of you."
"And the doctors took me from your belly?"
"Um, well....not exactly, sweetie. Mommy actually pushed you out and they helped me."
"Oh, how did you push me out?"
"Well, I used my tummy muscles and pushed until you were born."
"Um, you know when you go potty sometimes you use your tummy and push?"
"Oh. But did you push me out from your tummy?"
(I chose to only answer the 'how do you push' part and not tell her how the baby gets out. I'm all for full disclosure, but until she asks me specifically about the logisitics, I think she might be too young to really understand a woman's multipurpose nethers.)
"Well, honey, you grew in mommy's tummy, but you didn't come out that way, exactly."
(husband growing more uncomfortable)
"Oh. Yeah. I came out your leg like in those shows where babies are born. The doctors helped you push out your leg."
(Here's where I was momentarily confused, until I realized what she meant)
"Well, in those shows the doctors hold the mommy's leg to help her push, but the baby doesn't come out her leg."
(silence as she considers)
"When Flower is born (Flower being the name Luca has already decided on for her hypothetical baby sister to come) I can help you push her from your tummy, right?"
"I don't know sweetheart. That's kind of the mommy's work. But I'll tell you what. IF mommy ever has a baby Flower, I promise you can watch her be born, ok? And then you'll know how mommies push out their babies."
"Ok mommy. But I'm not going to breastfeed her, ok?"