Saturday, February 12, 2011

77.

Today was a perfect day in Arizona, with a high of 77 and big, blue skies.

Our morning was split between crafts, baths (I tried to take one alone, but Rohan refuses to be left out of bathtime), and parties. We celebrated two birthdays, two soon-to-be-born new baby girls, and Valentine's Day. We ate bananas and cookies and allergen-free puppy chow and fat red strawberries dipped in pink deliciousness.

And after naptime, where my husband snuck out and got my tires rotated for me (AKA married romance) we went to the park to soak in some sunshine. We climbed ladders, watched our hair stand on end from the static on blue plastic slides, puddled wood chips into piles and then kicked them over, ran and climbed and jumped and made new friends. When it was over, we rode the carousel before heading to the car and grabbing dinner together on a patio in the waning hours of daylight. we ran out to the car with balloons bobbing behind us.

Half the year, your face melts as soon as the sun rises over the eastern horizon. So this time of year, we soak in the mild sunshine and feel smug about living here. I am really loving Luca and Rohan at this age too. They play together. They argue. The hug and laugh and she bosses him around and he steals her doll and runs away, laughing maniacally, and I love every second of it. We are blessed with two kids who are smart and sweet and kid and empathetic. She is wise beyond her years and so smart and intuitive it blows my mind on a daily basis. Her sense of humor is spot on, her memory is flawless, and though she's prone to stubbornness she must get from her dad's side of the family (ha.) she is such an easy kid to be around. And he is, hands-down, the funniest kid I've ever known. He will do anything to make us laugh, and isn't shy about asking for more tummy tickles or for someone to "Get Mo! Come on!" so that he can run wildly across the couch cushions and belly flop, hiding his face under a blanket and giggling like mad.

We eat up these perfect days, as the sun stays up longer and the temperatures woo us and draw us outside.













Friday, February 11, 2011

The End of an Era?

My love affair with Target may officially be over.

Believe me. I never, ever thought I'd utter those words. Never.

Tonight we took the kids out to dinner with the plan that we'd run to Target together after we were done eating. I have a 3 day weekend, and over the course of it I will be gifting 5 separate people at 3 different parties and I needed to get my shop on big time. I waited until tonight since today is pay day, and I had a plan. A PLAN I say. I had a $50 gift card from Christmas, and since I had 5 gifts to buy and already had wrapping paper at home, I figured I could sneak out of there without having to come out of pocket much. Three of the five gift recipients are under the age of 5, so a simple gift was all I needed, and I knew the other two gifts could come fairly cheap if I shopped smart and not impulsively.

In addition to gifts, we needed diapers for Rohan, socks for both kids, and cards to accompany the gifts. I was thinking after my $50 gift card I'd only need to come up with about $25 out of pocket. I knew this was an optimistic plan, but I was determined to make it happen.

In the end, I bought only things on my list. I was surprised to find the gift card I thought was worth $50 was only worth $40, so I mentally prepared myself to come $35 out of pocket.

$66 later, we walked out in a bit of shock. We double-checked the receipt. We peered into the bags to see if something was there we hadn't remembered purchasing. We couldn't figure out where we'd gone wrong.

We determined that Target's anti-theft door screening machines must be automatically programmed to deduct $20 from each person's debit card as soon as you walk through the door. There is no other plausible answer.

I thought a night doing some 'fun' shopping at Target would feel good. I thought I would enjoy it and find myself trailing 8 paces behind my husband as he pushed the cart, running my hands over clearance clothes and magazines I don't really need and swooning over the new spring bags and the adorable toddler jeans. I imagined feeling a bit sad about not delving into Target and then feeling very proud of myself as I walked out under budget. I would be smug, even.

Instead, I walked out deflated and simultaneously vindicated. I am feeling a bit over the whole thing now, and more resigned than ever to stay the hell away.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Eating on the Cheap, Health Style.
























This is how we're eating these days. A typical dinner for me. On the left is 1/2 a pita sprayed with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and then dusted with rosemary and garlic, toasted in the oven until crispy. On the right is a spinach salad with dried cranberries (bulk bin at Sprouts...SO flavorful!), rotisserie chicken, feta, and poppyseed dressing. I buy a big bin of spinach and a full chicken each week, so the total cost for a meal like this (which I eat 3-4 times a week, either for lunch or dinner) is probably $3 which sure beats the average $8-$12 salad most restaurants serve.

Spend Less: Month 1 Complete

The bottom line? $312.31. That's the total I spent at Target and Starbucks this January, which is just over $200 less than I spent at those places in January 2010.

And while I'm pretty thrilled with that and even more thrilled that the first of the month (and 75% of our bills) came and went and I didn't have to stress at all about money, I know we've still got a long way to go. We did our taxes already (a first for us to get them done this early) and for the first time I can ever remember, we're getting both federal AND state refunds. This is a mixed blessing of sorts because getting a refund is superior to owing the state, which has always been the case before. However, we changed our tax exemption status last year which created this upcoming refund but also contributed to some of our money struggled because it meant we both paid more taxes out of each paycheck. Sadly, those refunds are already earmarked for paying down our two highest interest credit cards. My sweet husband did the taxes, and when he saw the size of our refund, he turned to me and said, "This is awesome! We can put this all to one of our credit cards!"

Awesome was not how I would have described using the money to pay down debt, but when I told him that, he gave me The Look that told me he's the grown up when it comes to these things. And then he smiled devilishly and said, "Look, the sooner we pay that off, the sooner we can think about another baby." If you know me, you know 'think about another baby' is a phrase practically guaranteed to win my approval of almost any suggestion.

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I've had some friends ask me to explain the 'how' of this financial makeover. And while I'm definitely no money management expert, here's a short run down of how we got here and how we're getting back out.

The story's not that interesting. Until we had Luca, we had almost no debt. When I was 30 weeks pregnant, we bought our current home in a housing market that was coming out of a bubble. We felt a bit rushed to buy, and looking back we both wish we'd rented for a year or so and given the market time to finish its descent and ourselves time to figure out the real costs of having a baby so we could better budget. But, we didn't, and as a result our mortgage is affordable but more than we wish we had to pay. Luca's daycare was 3 days a week, so we managed fine with just her. Even with my 'awesome' health insurance, we ended up paying close to $3000 out of pocket for her birth (no one tells you you pay your deductible, your co-pay which for me was 20%, PLUS a co-pay for baby in the hospital).

Right after Luca turned 1, I got pregnant again. My husband and I don't live/work/take the kids to daycare in an area where it made sense to take public transportation, and we had a car that was on its last tire. We sold it and used the cash as a down on a desperately needed new car. With a pretty high monthly payment we could totally afford at the time. The key here being: at the time. This was before we had 2 kids. We had private insurance with no maternity coverage and we were leaning toward a home birth anyhow, so in addition to our normal expenses, we were now paying  a few hundred dollars a month toward our midwife's fees and other pregnancy/baby expenses. Homebirth actually cost us less out of pocket than hospital birth had, and we had it paid off before I was 36 weeks, which was nice. It was a relief not to have outstanding bills for his birth while living in the new baby zone.

Once Rohan was born, we added him to insurance PLUS added the cost of his daycare 3 days a week. A year later, Luca moved to preschool (5 days a week + $80 more a month) and I had major dental surgery, which I paid for partly out of pocket, partly with insurance, and partly on a 0% interest credit line intended specifically for medical/dental bills. The 0% is awesome, but it comes with limitations, meaning we HAVE to pay a certain amount every month in order to get it paid off within the alloted time frame or the interest gets tacked on at the end. We ended up changing insurance plans as well, as I went back on my employer's insurance and Rohan needed a different plan because of his Mastocytosis. That added a little to our monthly budget as well.

All this came together to create a perfect storm. The next thing we knew, instead of living without credit card debt we had rung up several thousand dollars in charges. And we couldn't get back on top of it. It's embarrassing to admit this, for sure, but it's freeing as well. It was only through talking honestly with other people that we realized that many, many young families starting out like us faced issues like we had. People don't talk about it, so I had no idea how to deal with it. We were making it, and enjoying our lives, but hanging over our heads was this debt that was spiraling higher and higher due to interest rates.

We started small but sensible. My husband changed our car insurance, harassed our health insurance company to lower our rate for Luca due to both her age and her good health. He transferred 2 small balance/high interest credit cards onto 1 with a 0% APR for 6 months and a 9% thereafter as long as you kept current with payments. We put everything on auto pay so we couldn't ever miss a payment and our credit would be safe in that sense. We refinanced our car to a longer term at a lower interest rate and lower monthly payment (this is not usually recommended when considering the rapid loss of value new cars face, but we evaluated it from every angle and it made sense given the resale value of our car and our monthly budget). And, on top of that, we not only automatically transfer to savings and 'skim' from the top of that account to help pay down debt faster (i.e. we have a balance threshold, and when we had exceeded it at the end of the month, we skim the excess off and put it toward a debt), we also use money we get for things like selling items, birthdays or holidays, and tax refunds toward paying down debt.

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It's still not enough. I mean, it IS in the sense that we're paying our bills, not accruing new debt, and making ends meet. But it's not in the sense we're not getting ahead. We had no plan and no direction and we were paying and paying and spending and then worrying every month. So I decided it was time to get serious.

I've talked at length about not spending money on things we don't need. I desperately want a new kitchen table, but until I can thrift one (or find one online, used) that fits my needs and is a price I can rationalize, I'm not buying one. I want new clothes, but I tell myself that when I hit X pounds lost I'll buy them, and that buys me time to save for them. But the other piece I haven't talked about much is food. Prior to this shift in our financial goals, it wouldn't be unusual for me to go out for lunch 2-3 times a week at work, for us to go out to dinner 2-3 times a week, and for us to grab breakfast and/or lunch on the run on weekends. On top of all that, we were spending a good chunk of change at the grocery store every 2 weeks on food we often ended up not eating.

Combining financial goals with health goals helped us curb this spending, big time. We made it a point to grocery shop once per week, changing our venue from a big chain to a smaller, farmer's market type store in our area. That change alone meant the bulk of our grocery budget was being spent on produce, dairy, meat, and bulk foods like dried cranberries and oats. Because our shopping choices were limited somewhat by a smaller selection, we aren't spending money on frozen foods, packaged foods, soda, and other things we don't need but bought for convenience sake. The reality was this: those things didn't look any more appetizing at home than they did at the store, so that $8 frozen pasta dinner sat getting freezer burn night after night while we chose going out to eat over eating it. So we were spending less because of the selection, eating healthier because of the selection, and going more frequently to replenish our fridge with the perishables we'd polished off within the week. I didn't tally up our grocery spending for either January 2010 or 2011, because in the long run we probably spent about as much each month. What I do know is we spent less on going out to eat (I didn't total that either, but a quick review of my bank account statement says it's true) and we're eating much healthier than we were before.

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We're 9 days into February, and I'm happy to report we made it through the start of the month bill gauntlet without having to freak our or stress over money. I'm down almost 10 pounds, we spend more time cooking and eating together at the table, and I'm happier over all.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Humor from the Trenches.

All my life, I knew I wanted to be a mom. There was never a question of 'if' just a question of when and how many (that last question has yet to be answered). I expected both great joy and great challenges, and more than any other age, Luca's third year has been a huge learning experience for all of us. Three ushered in the era of tantrums and screaming and defiance. Three also ushered in independence, personal style, sense of humor, compassion, and a love for school and her new friends, imagination play, empathy, and more. It's been an amazing year that's stretched us all, and it's not even over yet!

And so, when I saw this clip, I laughed my ass off. Really, he hit the nail on the head here.

Disclaimer: This video is completely not safe for work, nor is it safe for people who lack a sense of humor and think it means I secretly want to beat my kids or throw them out windows. Consider yourself disclaimed.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Next Time...

...I get pregnant, I want it to be a surprise.

...I am craving chocolate I will eat a banana instead.

........I have a weekday off with my husband and kids, I will pack a picnic and spend hours watching my kids chase ducks and discover dandelions.

....I  feel inspired by something, I will take a picture.

...I go shopping for clothes I'll be one size smaller.

.......I talk to my husband about money, I'll do it without being defensive.

...I have a warm spring day stretching out in front of me, I'll spend it with my the palms of my hands in the earth outside.

......I wish we had a garden, I'll plant one.

...I do laundry, I'll use obscene amounts of fabric softener and then let them dry on the line, soaking in the sun's warmth.

...I take a vacation it'll be a road trip with snacks and songs and windows down.

.....I have the urge to cut my hair all off and get bangs, I'll follow that urge.

...A friend compliments me I will thank them sincerely and not try to explain or apologize my way out of it.

.....I make my husband laugh, I will bask in the glow of hearing him say, to no one or whomever is near, "Isn't she funny?". Because I am.

...I am debating between lying on the couch on a pile of pillows cocooned in a blanket reading a book and cleaning my kitchen, I'll try my hardest to choose the book.

.....I want a donut, I'll get one from my favorite local shop and enjoy every last bite of it, calories be damned.

...I have a fleeting thought about how much I love someone/how nice they look/how amazing their laugh sounds I will say it right out loud.

......I catch a glimpse of myself with my kids in the mirror, I will watch a little longer like a voyeur taking in every detail of that amazing and beautiful love.

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