Dealing.

About every 10-14 days, it seems like we have a really bad time of things as far as Rohan's concerned. He was actually in a good mood and slept decently yesterday, but early in the day I noticed his spot yellowing. I expected a blister, but it never really materialized. Then last night we struggled to get him to go to sleep. Everytime I'd set him down, his eyes would pop open and he'd start grunting at us. I ended up snuggling next to him on the couch from about 9 - midnight. From then on until 6 when Darrick woke for work, I don't think he slept more than 30 minutes at a stretch. He was up from midnight until about 2, then several times after that. I stopped looking at the clock because it was making me feel more tired and frustrated.

At 6, Darrick took him for a bit, but at that point he was crying these shrill cries and arching his back. We gave him some colic tablets and I bounced him on the yoga ball and he mostly calmed down. But here it is almost 1 pm, and he's yet to sleep more than 20 minutes at a time all day.

I'd be lying if I told you I haven't cried my share in the past 12 hours. Between sleep deprivation and worry, there have been some tears shed. It's not so much me I worry about, since I can live on little sleep and be just fine (college proved that to me). It's him. Babies need sleep, and when he's fussing and gassy and not sleeping, I worry about what that does to him. But so far today the gripe water+Mylicon+colic tablets combo isn't doing much to get him calm and sleeping. In fact, I've had to stop typing this post twice already to soothe him back into semi-sleep.

It's frustrating. And at the same time, it feels self-indulgent to complain about it when I know there are lots of people who have it much worse. My baby will outgrow this. Not all moms who are dealing with sick babies can say that.

I think it's weighing heavier on me because I have to go back to work in just over a week. We're lucky because Darrick will be staying home over the summer, but I worry about how well he's going to handle the fussiness and sleeplessness as well. That's not to say I doubt his skills as a dad or his love for Romo. It's just to say that hearing about it and living it are different things, and it's HARD living with it when Romo's having a bad day.

And even more so, it's weighing on me because it's inevitable that Rohan is going to be in daycare in a few months. We love our daycare - an in-home place run by a woman Luca ADORES. But the stress and challenges presented by Rohan's situation are hard on ME, and I adore this kid like only a mother can. I worry about how hard it will be on our daycare provider to deal with Romo's high-need days. I have faith in her and I plan to arm her with as much information and tools as possible, but I know I'm going to worry and feel guilt over not being there to comfort him on the bad days.

We're going to see a pediatric dermatologist this afternoon. I'm hopeful they can give us some more information, as well as perhaps some tools for helping him when he's having a bad day.