The end of the line.

The closer I get to my due date, the more I understand women who are ready to do most anything to get their baby OUT. I didn't have this feeling with Luca, but I also wasn't as big then as I am now, and Luca wasn't a big baby. Plus, I just think the second pregnancy is harder on the body in some ways. I'm not trying to complain, because I know other women have much rougher pregnancies than I, but the pressure on my pelvis and hipbones, indigestion caused by any and everything I eat (a bran muffin? a bagel? is this for real?) are getting really old.

I am taking comfort in the end being around the bend, though how close no one knows. The predictions are rolling in, with the soonest being March 1st (hello....that's in TWO DAYS!!!) and the furthest being March 18th. I'm thinking it'll fall somewhere in between - maybe a week early? Darrick is still convinced baby will be 'maybe a day early, if that', but what do men know about baby brewing anyhow?

I am getting more and more comments and questions from people everywhere, probably due to the...ehm...enormity of my belly. I hear lots of "How are you feeling?" from people and I always wonder...do you want the truth? I think people fit into one of 2 categories...those who have never birthed a child and/or were only asking to be courteous, and therefore want the sugar-coated niceties. To this group, I usually answer something to the effect of, "Great! Huge, of course, but I'm doing great!" and insert a smile, choking back the acid shooting frozen daggers of torture across my chest and up the back of my throat. The other category is Moms. Moms don't want sugar-coated niceties. In fact, even if you are 'great, thanks!' they don't want to hear it. No one wants to listen to a glowing pregnant woman going on and on about the miracle of life and the joy of a full round belly while in the back of her own Mom (or pregnant) mind she's preparing a shopping list that includes items such as Tucks pads, Zantac, cranberry juice, Colace, and Proactive. No, this category wants to hear the gory and uncomfortable details. They WANT to know that you get indigestion from bran muffins, you cannot sleep at night, and you're pretty sure the baby in your belly is going to weigh 10 pounds based on the fact that it trampolines off your cervix 87 times a day, leaving you gasping in shock and pain.

I also get a lot of questions about whether we are having a boy or a girl. We genuinely don't know, though we both have the same guess. People (strangers, people I know through work, friends, family) love to guess, and usually I love to HEAR the guesses. But there are times I'd rather not hear their reasons. Examples of what I don't want to hear about WHY someone thinks I am carrying a certain way include, "Oh, it must be a girl. You're carrying wide in your hips." (Thanks, asshole, but actually my hips are the SAME EXACT SIZE as they were pre-pregnancy, fuckyouverymuch.) and "It's GOT to be a boy. You're HUGE out front." (Ok this one is true, but c'mon....NO woman needs to hear this, least of all one who's 945 months pregnant and hormonal as hell!). There is a special place in hell for people who comment on a pregnant woman's size in anything but flattering ways. I am not so naive as to believe all pregnant women look beautiful and glowing, but I am wise enough to realize that if a pregnant woman does NOT look like a maternity model, you need to LIE YOUR ASS off and say she does, or shut the hell up. And because I am a glutton for punishment, I am going to share a picture of me at 37 weeks, 1 day pregnant. BEHOLD the 'Orb of Life' (Darrick's nickname for the belly, which lucky for him I found endearing and cute rather than obnoxious and cruel):



Anyhow, I now have maybe 2 weeks left, my body feels like a science experiment, I am flattered people care enough to ask how I'm feeling but unsure how to answer them anymore, and I really am pretty sure this baby is going to be a giant. I've begun to toy with the idea of eating eggplant and popping Evening Primrose Oil, but we'll see what my MW says tomorrow before I try anything too drastic.