Friday, February 22, 2008

6 Things

This post is inspired by a blog entry on the 'Pump Room' blog, which I found quite clever. The author of that blog did '13 Reasons Babies Make Lousy Roommates'...and it was SO true! So, in the same vein, here are my '6 Things' lists:

6 Things People Say When You're Pregnant:
1. "Get your rest now, because you won't get ANY once baby is born!". Believe me, people, if you could 'bank' sleep like you can sick days, I would have. This is not possible. Therefore, the rationale that sleeping a lot while pregnant will somehow mitigate the newborn sleep deprivation is insane.
2. "Heartburn means your baby will have a lot of hair." Um, ok.
3. "You're starting to get that pregnancy waddle!" People! This is not a compliment! It's rude! A woman being pregnant does not make this suddenly ok!
4. "How much weight have you gained?" Are these people for real? Where were they in sex ed when the teacher went over the whole 'Pregnant women are hormonal so it's best not to fuck with them?' section?
5. "My sister/cousin/hairdresser/brother's ex-girlfriend's aunt had a baby and her labor was awful and painful and she almost lost the baby and ever since then she pees when she sneezes and her stretch marks are...blah blah blah." Again...hormonal women should not be subjected to such a high level of idiocy. NO ONE wants to hear your horror stories while 8.5 months pregnant and facing down the barrel of the labor and delivery gun. Keep it to yourself.
6. "After you have the baby, come back in!" This one was said to me by a woman at Hi Health....5 days after Luca was born. Yeah. That was FABULOUS to hear. Remember the pregnancy hormones I mentioned earlier? Well, they are 45,000 times worse right after the baby is born.

6 Things Babies Are Good For:
1. Inspiring people to open doors for you and offer to help you with everything from pumping your gas to loading your groceries.
2. Making complete strangers smile.
3. Reminding you how amazing women are. Sure, men can pee standing up, but WE GROW HUMANS. Beat that, men!
4. Snuggles.
5. A built in excuse for being late, leaving early, or just not being able to make it.
6. Love, love, and more love and laughter. Nothing reminds you how simple the pleasures of life can be like a baby splashing in the tub and laughing.

2 comments:

Mere said...

Funny - the heartburn thing...remember when I was sexually harassed at the DMV? Well the cracked out hooker that was there was saying that to this woman that had a hairy baby, over and over and over and over again.

cupcake monkey said...

This was great! I have it saved! :)

"We grow humans" is my favorite!!

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