Like A Rainbow.

Sometimes, I only want to write when I have something happy to write about. When I can wax poetic about sweet chubby baby cheeks or spring days where the world is blooming and full. But when life is challenging and stress consumes me and my patience with my kids is next to nothing? When I find myself muttering under my breath in the kitchen at 7:45 p.m. 'Isn't it about bed time for ALL of you?' and mentally including my husband in the 'all'? When I find myself channeling my dad in the car, waving the slower cars in front of me on with my hand below the dash (don't want to get shot, after all!) and cursing people who drive slow during rush hour for no reason? When I'm feeling overworked and underappreciated and broke and fat and desperately in need of some time with my brow waxer? Why is it that during those times I don't feel as compelled to write?

I'm reading 'The Secret' because one of the most positive and lovely friends I have loaned it to me. She swears by its messages and if you saw how content she is in her life, you'd want to read it too. And while I haven't read and acted on the entire book, I know the messages it contains and I believe them. I try not to write about the hard times and the petty complaints in life because you get exactly what you ask for sometimes. And if negativity and complaining and venting are all you put out in the universe, the universe will give only those things back.

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This past Sunday morning, we were sitting on the big area rug in our great room together, playing with the kids. This is what we do on weekend mornings: converge onto that rug and play and wrestle and read books and watch early morning cartoons and sometimes put out a breakfast spread on plates on the floor. But, you know, we bought that rug about 3 years ago when Luca was starting to crawl and it was cheap, so it's not very soft or cushy. For years we've put up with it, and we keep 'meaning to' get a pad to go under it, but then we forget or we have something else to spend the money on so we don't.

So anyhow, we're there on the floor and I'm drinking my coffee and Darrick's reading the paper and the kids are running around like wild animals, and Darrick says to me, "We really need some padding under that thing." I concur, and then we decide to make a list of home 'things' we need to get. On the list: a new bathtub for the master bathroom, french doors for the back of the house, wood flooring, window screens, and a padded backing for the area rug.

Flash forward to later that night. We're at my brother's for dinner and my sister-in-law is cutting Darrick's hair for him. Out of nowhere, my brother says, "Hey, do you guys have any rugs you need padding under? We have some extra from when our carpet was installed, and we don't need it."

Seriously. The very same day.

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Yesterday, I was driving to work feeling grouchy about gas prices and long commutes and the fact that Rohan was super clingy when I dropped him off at daycare. I was in need of something to brighten my mood. And then I looked down, and saw this:

That's a rainbow, on my (dirty and in need of vacuuming) floormat in my car. I'm not sure what caused it, but it was incredible and so pretty. And it changed my mood immediately.

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Marveling over the irony of getting the rug padding the same day we wrote it down, my husband and I joked that we should write down, "10% raises for us both" on the list. Then, deciding that was too ambitious, we joked about simplifying it and just saying aloud: "more money sure would be nice."

Yesterday afternoon, the endodontist I saw back in November had their billing office call me. Apparently, part of my charges were denied by insurance and I owed just over $200 to them. I was frustrated that insurance hadn't paid out, and worried about paying $200 to them a week before the start of the month when most of our bills are due. And then she told me that I had a credit on my account at the general dentistry office and she could just use that to pay it if I said it was ok. I did, then asked her if that credit would cover the balance owed.

"Oh, sweetie, you have a $564 credit. It'll cover this with plenty of room to spare," she replied.

Now, listen. Here's where I'd like to pretend I was stoked at this news and at my good fortune. Instead, I was (and still am) pretty pissed to have been charged too much and to have this credit just sitting there without anyone from the general office having notified me. I called the general dentistry office, and the person there promised to let billing know I wanted the money credited to me. And so it will be. And it might take 6 - 8 weeks, which kills me because you KNOW if I owed them that much they would have wanted it right away. Not in 6 - 8 weeks.

But tonight, sitting here feeling stressed about work and money and various other things on my mind, I realized something. I asked the universe to show us a little financial love to make all the hard work we've been doing lately seem worthwhile, and the universe complied. I asked for money, and money is on its way.

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Bad things happen in my life. I sometimes lose my patience and my sense of humor. From time to time, I raise my voice or feel sorry for myself or wallow in self-pity and negativity instead of focusing on the good. But the universe, lately, seems to be telling me this: you get what you really want. If I spend my time focusing on the have-nots and the frustrations and the stress and the hard times, more of those will come. But by focusing on the positive good things are bound to come. The universe listens, and it can only hear what you are saying.