The Smile That's Just for Me

The moment I've been waiting for with Romo finally happened a few days ago. THE smile.

You moms know. Especially if you breastfed. (and that's not to knock non-breastfeeders, but I've only ever experience this while nursing a baby, not while giving a bottle, so I can't speak to that experience)

It was early morning, Darrick and Luca still sleeping upstairs and Romo and me snuggled into the big recliner watching some baby-related show on TLC or DHC (I can never remember). My sleepy little boy had a clean diaper, a warm blankie tucked around him, and he was lazily nursing in a half-sleep, his eyes barely visible under a curtain of sweet baby lashes. Suddenly, he stopped nursing and rolled almost onto his back, and as he looked at me his face burst into a thousand tiny shooting stars, showering me in a smile so brilliant and filled with joy that I couldn't help but grin back like a fool in love. And fool in love I am...but now I now he is too. These are the moments I remember with Luca where everything sort of clicked into place and I thought, "That smile right there is JUST for me." No one else in the world will have those moments with him, where his belly is warm and humming with milk, and the morning light is blue-gray, and his little hand is grasping my finger and then he rolls back and smiles like, "Dude. This is AWESOME, mom!"

And then he spent the next 20 minutes doing the latch then detach routine, each time rolling back to look at me and smile, repitition not even dimming the power of his sparkle one tiny bit. And every time, my heart would swell up with such love for this little love, who finally seemed to realize, "Hey! There's a you and there's a me, and I love the you and you love the me and this milk is nice and you're warm and my belly is too."

Oh my god. Magic. Pure, unadulterated baby magic. Rolling in fresh cut grass, feet dipped into an ocean clear as glass, puppy breath and warm fresh baked cookies bliss!

Someone better sign me up for that IUD fast, before I claim baby insanity and start plotting to convince Darrick of a #3.....