Seinfeld

I've noticed something over the years. You can categorize people into two main groups: The Watchers and Those Who Did Not Watch. We're talking about Seinfeld here, people. Keep up.

Of these groups, I fall into the latter.

This can be problematic. Because, you see, The Watchers are BIG fans of Seinfeld references. They integrate them into their daily lives. You can pick these people out quite easily. They are the ones you overhear in line at Starbucks saying, "It wasn't a pick!" or "No soup for you!". They begin sentences with "Remember the time Kramer...." and have the show as a MySpace friend.

By the way, if this last one applies to you, you should just go ahead and back out of this blog right now.

So where does that leave us, Those Who Did Not Watch? Well, my friends, it leaves us in the cold (and this is where The Watchers remember the episode where the fat, short guy gets caught with a small weenie post swim...).

It happens like this: You (a Those Who Did Not Watch - or TWDNW) are talking to someone at work (a Watcher, unbeknownst to you), when suddenly, said Watcher throws in a Seinfeld reference, and you're left to blink slowly at them because you clearly do not comprehend the code in which they speak.

Example:

:::someone sneezes::::

TWDNW: "Bless you!"
Watcher: "Why do we say bless you? We should say 'You're Beautiful!'."
TWDNW: ::blink blink::
Watcher: "Didn't you ever see that episode of Seinfeld where..."
TWDNW (cutting off Watcher): "I didn't watch Seinfeld."
Watcher: "Oooohhhhhh....really? Why not? It's only the greatest show in history! I mean, what about the time Jerry -"
TWDNW: "Uh, yeah...no. I hated that show. Sorry."

And so it goes.

I'm sure you've guessed by now, but I am not a Watcher. I am one of TWDNW. If I had to guess based on my experiences, this makes me a rare breed. In fact, in just about every significant adult relationship I have had (co-worker, friend, etc.), this conversation has manifested itself in one way or another at least once. It's like a rite of passage in my adult relationships. Once we have that conversation, we can talk about pretty much anything, because my big, bad, dirty secret is out in the open.

I was one of Those Who Did Not Watch. So, no, I do NOT remember the time that Elaine....