Thursday, September 27, 2007


I've noticed something over the years. You can categorize people into two main groups: The Watchers and Those Who Did Not Watch. We're talking about Seinfeld here, people. Keep up.

Of these groups, I fall into the latter.

This can be problematic. Because, you see, The Watchers are BIG fans of Seinfeld references. They integrate them into their daily lives. You can pick these people out quite easily. They are the ones you overhear in line at Starbucks saying, "It wasn't a pick!" or "No soup for you!". They begin sentences with "Remember the time Kramer...." and have the show as a MySpace friend.

By the way, if this last one applies to you, you should just go ahead and back out of this blog right now.

So where does that leave us, Those Who Did Not Watch? Well, my friends, it leaves us in the cold (and this is where The Watchers remember the episode where the fat, short guy gets caught with a small weenie post swim...).

It happens like this: You (a Those Who Did Not Watch - or TWDNW) are talking to someone at work (a Watcher, unbeknownst to you), when suddenly, said Watcher throws in a Seinfeld reference, and you're left to blink slowly at them because you clearly do not comprehend the code in which they speak.


:::someone sneezes::::

TWDNW: "Bless you!"
Watcher: "Why do we say bless you? We should say 'You're Beautiful!'."
TWDNW: ::blink blink::
Watcher: "Didn't you ever see that episode of Seinfeld where..."
TWDNW (cutting off Watcher): "I didn't watch Seinfeld."
Watcher: "Oooohhhhhh....really? Why not? It's only the greatest show in history! I mean, what about the time Jerry -"
TWDNW: "Uh, I hated that show. Sorry."

And so it goes.

I'm sure you've guessed by now, but I am not a Watcher. I am one of TWDNW. If I had to guess based on my experiences, this makes me a rare breed. In fact, in just about every significant adult relationship I have had (co-worker, friend, etc.), this conversation has manifested itself in one way or another at least once. It's like a rite of passage in my adult relationships. Once we have that conversation, we can talk about pretty much anything, because my big, bad, dirty secret is out in the open.

I was one of Those Who Did Not Watch. So, no, I do NOT remember the time that Elaine....


Mere said...

I dislike all quoters. Movie quoters and sitcom quoters. That is what these people are. OR - they are people that actually think the cast of Seinfeld, Friends, and Sex in the City are ACTUALLY their friends. Those are an entire breed I will not go into. Back to The Quoters: I am funny. I do not need to memorize the script of a movie/sitcom to be funny. But there are those out there that must. I hate them. Get your own humor - loser! THE WORST is when someone says something clever and witty and you laugh and laugh and think - oh wow - I judged them wrong. They are actually funny. And after you laugh and say 'Oh you are funny", they say "Yeah...yeah...Officespace - GREAT MOVIE" WHAT? You have been waiting your whole life for this particular moment to happen so you could insert an appropriate quote from a movie? That is so lame and actually - more work then thinking up your own funny line. OR...the person does not fess up that they stole it from a movie and you see the movie two weeks later and realize they are a plagiarized humor. All respect is lost. ***Although - there was TWO times where I had an entire rant about something - and I saw a stand up comic doing my rant. The f-er stole my rant. Not really - of course people have the same thoughts. BUT - I lived in fear that someone I ranted to, saw the comedian and thought I was lame. Needless to say I discontinued those rants from my act.

Kellie said...

Okay, I watched but I quote only to those I know who were watchers too, mostly my hubs. And, btw, the person in the above conversation quoted that line wrong anyway!!
I always get left out of Friends conversations though. I hated that show, not funny at all to me and people quote that shit all the time! I so know how you feel.

I also do not have them as a myspace friend and I'm proud of that fact.

Crystal said...

Meredyth needs a blog. Mere - if you read this, get a blog. Or, "No soup for you!"

JELL said...

good god, meredyth - this isn't YOUR blog, its Katies. haha
I "did not watch" - I have this situation all the time.

Mere said...

Lindsey - I will blog where I want. It is imporant that I am heard. I am very important. hush you...

Crystal - I do have a blog. But I am not sure what the actual address is....please contact me personally for further information.

Crystal said...

Kates, were you listening to The Morning Ritual this morning? When Cori James was talking about how she never really liked/watched Seinfeld? I thought of you.

The Cronins said...

So, in my office I overheard today... "You're killing me, Smalls!"

Um, talk about time to retire a movie quote!!!


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