Wednesday, July 9, 2008

A Coming Out of Sorts.

I have a good friend...I'll call her K. K and I have known each other for almost 9 years now, and we get along great. Last round of babies, she was due 3 months before I was, which was fabulous because nothing beats being pregnant and experiencing new motherhood with a good friend.

K and I had very very different experiences with our medical staff and our births last go-round. The end result was that she feels she was pushed to have an unecessary c-section, and I was able to labor in my own time under my terms. After we both had our little girls, we talked a lot about our experiences: what was good, what was not so good, what we would change, what we regretted.

So, surprise, surprise....guess who's due a month before me this time around?!?! Both K and I couldn't be more excited to know we're going through this grand adventure together again. And because of all our talks about our birth experiences, she made the decision to switch to the care of my midwife, who delivered Luca. She's met with her and fallen in love like I knew she would, and she's SO excited about possibly having a VBAC this time around. So, of course, when I first called her with the news that we're due a month after her, she excitedly exclaimed, "How cool! Maybe our appointments will be on the same days and we can go together!!" I didn't quite know what to say, since the midwife who delivered Luca won't likely be the one delivering this next baby (unless she can acommodate me with a home birth), so I said nothing.

I don't really know why I said nothing. This is one of my best friends I was talking to, and she knows me and my husband and even if she thought homebirth was weird, she might tease me but would support me. I knew this, and yet I wasn't ready to share.

Fast forward to today, and K calling me as we're both driving home from work. We talk about how we're feeling (me: shitty. her: shitty, but better than last week) and ouor weekend plans. And as the conversation was wrapping up some, she asked me, "So, when's your first appointment?"

The conversation:

Me: "Um...well...I don't know yet. I haven't really made one."
K: "Why not?"
M: "Well, Um...they don't see you until 8 weeks and I haven't called yet."
K: "Oh, you better get on that. Wonder if we'll be on the same days?"
M: "Um, yeah...well....the thing is...I'm not sure I'm going to go back to that office." :::SILENCE::: "Um, I mean, I LOVE the midwife, and I'd LOVE for her to deliver my next baby but...well...our insurance doesn't cover maternity."
K: "Wow. You must have been pissed to find that out after getting pregnant."

:::insert long conversation about how I already knew, and the skyrocketing costs of paying for our old insurance plus 20% copay vs paying ourselves, as well as some ranting over the abysmal condition of the health care industry in America:::

K: "So, if you're paying out of pocket, why can't you still use her?"
M: "Well, if we need to we will, but we're shopping our options."
K: "Meaning?"
M: "Um...well...midwives...and things like that....maybe delivering outside the, at home?"
K: "Wow. You could totally do that." turns out I needn't have worried. Like all my wonderful friends, K was supportive and all for it. It was a relief, too, to 'out' ourselves to her, since I can't imagine keeping our plans a secret from someone so damn important in our lives.

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