Touched.

I was going to post something else today, and then I checked her blog. And I saw this post. And my heart stopped beating for a minute and I wanted to pick up each of those babies and nuzzle their sweet necks.

So in lieu of my own post about something inane like money or NY resolutions or home renovations, please take a look over there and do what your heart leads you to do for those sweet faces.

If I could, I'd thank Kelle personally grounding me this Saturday morning. And for sharing those faces and names with the world.

Teaming Up Against Me.

On nights like tonight, I think the world is teaming up against me in my best efforts to make some positive change in my own life.

Case in point 1 - Searching through old pictures of Luca to drop off at school tomorrow (the prints were done today and I was SO good and walked right up to the photo lab, paid, and walked out!), my uterus came under seige. Don't believe me? Observe:

I could go on all day like this. Seriously. But I will stop here. I'm just sayin', I'm pretty sure even my husband had sympathy baby fever looking through these. But as much as I want a baby right now, I also know it's not good timing. If we have another, I want another homebirth which means paying about $3-4k out of pocket when all is said and done, since my insurance won't cover it. On top of that, we need to wait until Luca's not in preschool ($$) anymore, I want to get to a comfortable weight before I am pregnant again, and we have financial goals to meet first.

But:

Right? Sigh.

Case in Point 2 - My husband has to coach at a wrestling tournament all tomorrow and Saturday, which means we are on our own. On our own, trying to eat healthy and not spend money for 2 days? Yikes. Can I do it???

Case in Point 3 - I am craving Mocha Almond Fudge ice cream. And there is a nearly full carton in my freezer. Guess I should go to bed to avoid eating it.

Foiled

I had a legit reason to go to the Target by my house after work today. Luca's school does a thing called 'Cubbie of the Week' where each preschooler is honored for a week. They answer a questionnaire, get to choose snacks and free time activities, and pick the weekly movie. They also get to make a board with pictures of themself on it, and here is where I confess I am horrible about printing photos.

TAKING photos? I'm your girl. PRINTING them and making an album? Yeah, not so much.

So with Luca's week looming, we have until this Friday to get pictures 'from birth through preschool' to submit, which meant I had to sift through an obscene number of photo albums on Shutterfly and choose some to print. When I got done I realized the error of my ways, as delivery in 5-7 days was $8, and I need these by, oh, tomorrow? Yeah. So I noticed the 'print in store' option, and next thing you know I'm saving $8 and ordering them at the Target nearest me that has 1 hour photo. And I would have gone to 'my' Target, but then this was happening:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/01/05/arizona.mall.shooting/index.html

And it was happening less than a mile from 'my' Target. Now, thankfully this was resolved with no injuries and no deaths, but the area of shops all around my house was closed off with police, swat teams, media and more. So I used the next closest Target, submitted the order, and left work to get my kids. My mom and I took the kids out to dinner, and then I headed to pick up my pictures. The photo lab had just closed, but the register girl told me to go do my shopping and she'd pull the pictures for me so I could pay for them and take them home.

I had some shopping to do, though I really needed groceries more. However, since it was a bit after 6 I knew my time clock on the kids' patience was running very low, so I opted to get a few things at Target (dog food, milk, bread, cheese, hot dogs for the kids, cereal, yogurt, oatmeal, diapers) that were necessities and then head up front.

Only to discover: my trip to Target was for naught because it turns out the 1 hour photo option is null and void if you order online, so my photos won't be ready for tomorrow (still on time, but sheesh!).

So, Target won. Sorta. They got $82 of my money, but the only thing that was not purely a 'necessity' was the 15 cent candy kit in the Christmas clearance section. Honestly, only spending 15 unnecessary cents is something I am pretty damn proud of. The kids' clothes, clearance racks, endcaps, and shoes all called and it was hard to walk away and stick to my list, but I did it!

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In other news, on the way home Luca was getting goofy and proceeded to tell me that boys are poopy heads and girls have pee on their heads and that her dad and brother are going to wear all brown and 'poopy hats' and we will wear yellow and yellow hats so we can have a peepee-poopoo party.

I can't remember the last time she made me laugh that hard.

I Used to Be Lazy.

Is this a sign of aging? I am nearing in on my next birthday, and it is one that will take me a year further away from 21. Most days I still feel young, and some days I even look at my 2 kids and for a hair of a second I literally forget they are mine and laugh to myself that someone actually left their kids in my ca---wait. They are MINE. I'm a MOM. Holy shit. And it spirals from there until I am prematurely (like, WAY prematurely) worried about bunions and sending my kids to college.

And then lately there is this: I can't just sit and be anymore. TV doesn't hold my attention. Laying in the bathtub zoning out is only good for 12 minutes, tops. Watching my kids play outside is done while picking up toys and pulling weeds and cleaning off the patio and sweeping and trimming the trees. I can sit and read a book or take a nap like a baby, but gone are the days when I could sit and watch mindless TV all day without the dishes or organizing the toys calling.

What the hell? Who is this person?!?

I can only conclude this is a side effect of aging. I am becoming my mother-in-law, my great aunt, and my grandma all wrapped into one. Puttering is their specialty: flitting about the house moving this pile of papers here, then sorting them, then moving them there, then shoving them in a drawer. Baking cookies because it's something to do with their hands. Turning on the news and then not hearing a single thing said the whole broadcast. Rearranging closets.

And honestly? It's a necessary evil because it turns out the diameter of the mess your kids can make grows proprotionately with their age and size (x:y). As soon as you pick up the 492 Mega Blocks they left scattered all over the kitchen and rearrange the toy shelves to make the perfect space for them, you turn just in time to catch them dressing the dog in the clothes you just hung, a pile of socks and shirts and underwear and towels exploded around your bewildered mutt. If I didn't putter around every night and straighten little stacks and pick up the same pile of books eleventybillion times a week, that same bewildered dog would be buried under a pile of toys and clothes and my husband's dirty socks by week's end. Thank god it drives me nuts to come home to a messy house, because that rush of throwing laundry out in a pile and shoving toys into bins and wiping counters is sometimes the only 'cleaning' that happens in a given mon---er, week. A week.

Where it gets to me, though, is my struggle to be still with my kids. I can craft and play and cuddle and chase and recruit them to help me with things around the house which they think are fun and I think need to get done. But I will confess I often have to be dragged away from the book I am reading while watching TV and mixing cookie dough that has to go in the fridge I am in the midst of cleaning. And I hate it. I want to be that mom who comes home, sets down the day when she sets down her bag, and immerses herself fully in her kids. And for the most part I am that mom, but then my eye wanders to a pile of dirty socks behind the recliner and next thing you know I am hauling armloads of freshly laundered whites up the stairs while my husband is sitting on the floor wrestling with our 2 kids.

And despite how that sounds, I actually think my husband is the better parent in that scenario.
And possibly the hardest is this: the battle between my love for time spent with my kids and my desire to have the day be done and be able to go do whatever it is I perceive needs to be done. It was typified for me tonight as I tried to soothe Rohan to sleep. When he gets into bed, he wants me to sit by him until he falls asleep which usually happens blissfully quickly. I kneel by the bed and lay down my head and pretend to sleep to get him to sleep, and all the sudden I'm feeling like I understand all about the struggles of meditation as my entire body is screaming "Let's go downstairs we have things to do!" My mind and my body are fighting a battle and then his little hand sleepily finds my arm and he absently holds on and my heart wins and I stay until his breaths are deep and even.

Spend Less, Month 1.

In January of 2010, I spent over $500 in Starbucks runs and shopping trips.

I share this only to provide a baseline for comparison so that as I go forward with my Fincial resolution I know where I started. And I also share it because when I saw those numbers I was genuinely shocked.

The shopping numbers are mostly for trips to places like Target, where I usually buy 'necessities' like paper towels, diapers, and milk in addition to buying 'fun items' like clothes for myself and hubby and kids, books, and house items. Because I have 2 kids, I usually try to condense shopping trips into as few stores as possible which not only means I might be spending more money than if I shopped around and also means I can't easily separate the 'necessary' from the 'fun'. But going forward I'm hopeful that will come out in the wash. I'm not 100% swearing off Target, but whether it's just necessary items that can't be purchased second hand or a mix of those and some item I don't really need but cave and buy I will count all those purchases to track how I'm doing. Ultimately, the numbers I listed above should be significantly lower in January of 2011 than they were in 2010.

My goals are sort of nebulous, but a conversation last week led me to realize they need to be more solid. I want to pay down debt. I want to spend less. I want to consume less 'stuff' just because I happen to be at Target (or wherever, but let's be honest and just admit Target is my Achille's heel) and a sweater is cute and on the 50% off rack. I want to repurpose, reuse, donate the things we don't use and/or need, and stop buying things on impulse because they seem like a good deal. After all, items on the red tag racks are only a good deal if I need them.

One thing I want to mention is this: the best bargain hunters recognize that thrift isn't always the cheap way to go. I might be able to find shirts for my kids at Goodwill that are cute and in almost-new condition for $2-3 each, but sometimes I can find brand new shirts at places like Target on clearance for less. Since I shop both places regularly, I'm relying on my ability to decipher a good deal (one that second-hand can't beat) from one that only appears to be, and may end up buying new in those cases because in the end it's the better spend.


I mentioned before that my goal is to thrift my way through the year, buying second hand when possible, but what I didn't really mention is that the other piece of that is not buying what we don't need. I have laid some groundrules for myself, which may change here and there, but are going to be the foundation for how I will take on this challenge of self-awareness and restraint:

Ok to Purchase New:
- food
- drinks
- toiletries including diapers and wipes
- make-up
- gifts for birthdays and other celebrations
- coffees for work and with friends on occassion
- some clothes (underwear and socks, I'm looking at you) (special event items too)
- home and car repair and updates (paint, new tires for cars, tools, etc. IF we can't borrow them from someone)

OK to Thrift:
- clothes
- shoes
- household items
- toys
- everything else!

We already got a jump start on this from both sets of parents. My in-laws very kindly purchased a new bed for Rohan, a new mattress for Luca, and bedding for both. But both kids could use nightstands, and I'm not buying either: my mom and my mother in law each handed down old, outdated, super-70s nightstands I'll be fixing up for their rooms. My mom loaned us a small sander, so all we'll need to buy is paint, and there's a chance we have enough leftover in the garage from various projects that we won't even need to buy that.

I'm sure other things are going to come up as I go along, and I'll have to decide how to handle those situations. But I figure if I can cut my spending in the coffee and shopping categories this year by even 50% per month (again, assuming we WILL shop just not all retail prices and sometimes the necessary and the fun will be merged too well to tell which is which) we could save several thousand dollars in a year. And that's just in those categories.

And speaking of nebulous plans and goals as I mentioned above, that money will be added back into my budget as it accrues, with about half going to paying down debts and the other half going to savings and projects around the house that involve and upfront investement.

For January, to make it more concrete, my goal is this: to spend $250 less this January than I did in January 2010.

Wish me luck!

Big Boy Room.

It all started with a crib with the front panel removed, creating a makeshift toddler bed. The bed worked for a time but it was a bit high off the ground even at the lowest mattress setting, and our lbig little guy needed some more room. Every night no less than two times he would roll out of that bed and BOOM onto the floor. Sometimes it woke him and he cried, other times I'd check on him before I went to bed and, in the darkened room illuminated only by the guest bathroom light from across the hall, finally spot him behind the door or under the crib or, once, half on top of the train table.

Our crib converts to a bed, but all that really meant was that we had a headboard. We would still need to buy a frame, mattress, and box springs. Mentioning this to my mother-in-law resulted in 4 hours of bed shopping on the day after Christmas, and this beauty getting delivered to our house while we were out of town on Thursday:

I'm sort of loving how Darrick is scratching his head in this picture. We were BOTH scratching our heads since the room was overcrowded and needed some revising. I don't have a good before picture, but when you walked into the room, there was a 2 door closet to your right, a crib straight ahead and an unused changing table to the left of the crib. The wall across from the wall of closets has a window in the center, and a train table was below that. The wall which the door is on is across from the wall where the crib was, and had a 5-drawer dresser and a 4-drawer dresser with a laundry hamper between them.

It was crowded and not too functional. And it was about to change. Because I love to reorganize rooms, here are some pictures of how it looks now. I'd like to repaint the walls and get some art in there at some point, and there will be a bedside table next to the lower bunk as well. The bed came with a ladder, but it's not attached unless we're in there supervising. I also would like a little area rug for the center of the room, mainly because the carpet has some stains and until we can afford to replace it I'd like to cover them. But, in all its glory (and complete with a super proud boy as tour guide) I present the Big Boy Room!

The view when you walk in. The top bunk needs sheets, and I'm not in love with the leaf/windsail thing up there, but it works for now).

Next to the bed is the 4-drawer dresser (my mother-in-law's dad made both dressers by hand when his own grandkids were born) which stores mostly sheets, mattress covers, and extra linens. We also need new curtains.

Picasso's breastfeeding print might not fit as well in a big boy room as it did in a nursery, but it's staying there until I figure out what else I want to do with it, and what else belongs in its spot.The 5-drawer dresser was moved into the corner further, and the train table was moved away from the window and against this wall, which is directly to your left when you walk in. On the dresser is a felt rectangle with star cut outs and internal lighting, which makes a really cute lamp for the room. The picture above it is by Canyon Photography, of sweet Rohan as a newborn.

One more view of the bed and the dresser beside it.

I'm really happy with how it's shaping up in there. It's not 'done' but it's looking good...and very grown up!