Showing posts with label Birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birth. Show all posts
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Rohan is almost 5 months old....
...and I just edited his birth story. ;) I was reading it over the other day and realized a few things were missing. The newer (longer) version is here.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Hands
I've heard it said before that you will never forget the day you give birth. That no memory, no single moment nor collection of minutes, hours, feelings, emotions, sensations will ever be more vivid a memory than giving birth.
I never knew if that was true, although it has become a truth in my life. There was a moment during Rohan's birth, when I was deep into the work of laboring sitting on my knees with my arms draped over the side of the pool. Darrick was there - always there, through every contraction and expletive and smile and stolen moment of calm between contractions - but there was also this pair of hands, holding a little tube which was feeding me extra oxygen. The tube was there, inches from my face, just as a precautionary measure. It's not so much the oxygen I remember - though I do, from the hissing sound it made to the mildly sweet flavor it had - it was the hands holding it.
Those hands I remember so vividly, though I'm positive I never even opened my eyes to look at them. Still, I could 'see' them with my eyes closed, and they comforted me. When I had a brief moment of panic in the overall calm that was the birth, those hands touched my head...my hair...and the voice attached to them urged me on, gently but firmly telling me I was doing what needed to be done, and prefectly at that. Assuring me that I would make it through. I remember the smell of those hands (hands which had been interrupted mid-dinner prep to come to the birth, and thus smelled like garlic and something else...maybe butter?...and so it's a good thing I love the smell of garlic). I remember the feel of them, as they brushed my cheek, touched my hair. And I remember the person attached to them as she held me up with her words, quietly reminding me of two distinct truths. That what I was doing in that moment was my work alone, and that I was strong and powerful and capable and that this was my story I was writing, and Rohan's and Darrick's and Luca's and we would own it forever and take it with us through life as we shared it with friends and family and someday our grandkids. And, as perfectly opposite though it may be, that this moment was but another of millions of moments in time when a woman and people she loved and who loved her had gathered to welcome a life into the world, and while it was unique and special in a million trillion ways, in the scope of history it was unremarkable and NORMAL.
I hope to be like my Grandma someday. At 91 she still remembers the births of all 3 of her kids. And my mom will tell me that HER mom has the stories jumbled and the facts mixed up and out of order and warn me not to believe everything Grandma says because, after all, she is a confused old woman. But I don't buy that. I think what 'they' say is true, and that even when she's forgotten which kid had reflux, which one hid a dead mouse under her bed, and which was friends with the girl down the street whose dad owned the donut shop, my Grandma will remember the day her kids were born. Because it was both the most remarkable and the most ordinary day of her life.
I never knew if that was true, although it has become a truth in my life. There was a moment during Rohan's birth, when I was deep into the work of laboring sitting on my knees with my arms draped over the side of the pool. Darrick was there - always there, through every contraction and expletive and smile and stolen moment of calm between contractions - but there was also this pair of hands, holding a little tube which was feeding me extra oxygen. The tube was there, inches from my face, just as a precautionary measure. It's not so much the oxygen I remember - though I do, from the hissing sound it made to the mildly sweet flavor it had - it was the hands holding it.
Those hands I remember so vividly, though I'm positive I never even opened my eyes to look at them. Still, I could 'see' them with my eyes closed, and they comforted me. When I had a brief moment of panic in the overall calm that was the birth, those hands touched my head...my hair...and the voice attached to them urged me on, gently but firmly telling me I was doing what needed to be done, and prefectly at that. Assuring me that I would make it through. I remember the smell of those hands (hands which had been interrupted mid-dinner prep to come to the birth, and thus smelled like garlic and something else...maybe butter?...and so it's a good thing I love the smell of garlic). I remember the feel of them, as they brushed my cheek, touched my hair. And I remember the person attached to them as she held me up with her words, quietly reminding me of two distinct truths. That what I was doing in that moment was my work alone, and that I was strong and powerful and capable and that this was my story I was writing, and Rohan's and Darrick's and Luca's and we would own it forever and take it with us through life as we shared it with friends and family and someday our grandkids. And, as perfectly opposite though it may be, that this moment was but another of millions of moments in time when a woman and people she loved and who loved her had gathered to welcome a life into the world, and while it was unique and special in a million trillion ways, in the scope of history it was unremarkable and NORMAL.
I hope to be like my Grandma someday. At 91 she still remembers the births of all 3 of her kids. And my mom will tell me that HER mom has the stories jumbled and the facts mixed up and out of order and warn me not to believe everything Grandma says because, after all, she is a confused old woman. But I don't buy that. I think what 'they' say is true, and that even when she's forgotten which kid had reflux, which one hid a dead mouse under her bed, and which was friends with the girl down the street whose dad owned the donut shop, my Grandma will remember the day her kids were born. Because it was both the most remarkable and the most ordinary day of her life.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Processing at Month 1.
I've spent a lot of time in the past month thinking over Rohan's birth. It all went so fast that it was a wild ride I was taken on, and as a result I didn't have much time AS it was happening to really stop and take note of things. But now that Rohan is a month old, I've had a few thoughts I want to get down, just for posterity. In no particular order:
1. I am so amused at the fact that the morning Rohan was born, I posted a blog entry about how nothing was happening and how good I felt. And then I made a cheeky comment about all the cramping I'd had previous nights possibly meaning a shorter labor. And I was KIDDING...so very not serious, since labor with Luca was 27 hours. Who would have guessed I'd be right....?
2. I was also laughing because my mom and I were talking on our way home from shopping and lunch that day (around noon) about how I was having cramps. I told her I'd had them for about a week every night, but they would go away, and that I was sort of hoping they would mean a faster labor. "But not TOO fast," I enthused. "I'm not hoping for a whirlwind 3 hour labor, but I'd be happy for 8 oe 12 hours." I had Rohan in my arms a mere 4.5 hours later. Hmmm.
3. I think what 'they' say is true about needing to be in the right situation for your body to really LET labor happen. I was contracting, but when I spoke to my MW at about 1:30, I was able to talk to her THROUGH a contraction that was 2 minutes after the prior one. I was also able to take some laundry from the washer and put it in the dryer and to sit on the floor with my friend and her beautiful 8 month old and have a conversation. It wasn't until I saw my husband's face as he came to check on me in the bathroom that it hit me like a ton of bricks that I WAS in labor. Seeing him lifted a weight, and made me feel safe and ready to give birth. From that point on, there was no going back. I was IN LABOR, and hard labor at that.
4. I think it's funny how many people have said they envy my fast labor. First, because I actually wish labor had been a bit longer. I wanted time to use the birth pool to relax. I wanted to be able to hang out with Luca a bit and see how she was handling watching me in labor, rather than having to make a snap decision to get her out of the house. I wanted to walk through contractions and use my birth ball. And, I admit, I REALLY wanted a labor that lasted long enough that I could get some back rubs and hair brushing out of my husband between contractions.
5. I've been wondering what the experience was like for Darrick. The day after, he told me he dreamed about the birth that night, and that he couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't think to ask what he meant, until today. He told me his memory of the birth is peace. He felt at ease and safe and happy, and he was never worried about how it would turn out. He was proud. He was at peace. That made me smile.
6. My only real regrets as far as things I had some control over were that I didn't call and have Darrick come home sooner (like around noon when I was pretty sure this was going to be the day but still thinking I must have HOURS left) and that I didn't open my eyes and see Rohan as he was born. I wish I'd asked my MW and her apprentices to tell me to open my eyes.
7. One more thing about the speed of this labor. Even if I HAD planned on going to the hospital, I'm fairly certain I never would have realized I truly was in labor and made it there in time to get an IV and pain meds. And then I would have been birthing pain-med free in an uncomfy bed. No thanks.
8. I always felt like having this baby at home was the right thing. I never really worried about things going wrong or complicating the pregnancy or birth. I knew transfers happen to some people sometimes, but I never even entertained the thought that I could be 'some people'. I just expected things to go 100% fine and I am SO glad I believed in that. For one, if I'd been under the care of an OB and consistently measuring 1-2 weeks ahead (as I did this entire pregnancy), I probably would have been given an ultrasound to measure baby. And they probably would have guessed him to be pretty large and pushed me for either an induction or a c-section. I would have said no, but I don't know how successful I would have been at fending it off. Say I WAS successful, and ended up going into labor on my own in a hospital and he had that nuchal hand (nuchal hand = hand by the face, which he did indeed have). I knew he was stuck for a few minutes, since I could feel myself pushing but him not moving. My MW handled it by trying to help me push more effectively and by recognizing what was happening and pulling his hand out so he could be born without it impeding progress. Would an OB have done the same? Or would an OB have either pushed for a c-section OR done an episiotomy and then used a vacuum to pull Rohan out? And if the OB HAD used the vacuum, would Rohan's cephalohematoma (which resolved totally on its own by 1 month) have been worse...possibly even causing a skull fracture as they sometimes do when caused by a vacuum? I don't know...but I am damn glad I trusted my body and my MW trusted my baby and me, and I don't HAVE to know the answers to those questions. Once I had time to really THINK about all the different ways this birth could have played out with an OB and a hospital, I knew I made the right choice birthing at home.
I'm still in awe. Honestly, after this experience, in spite of the pain that comes with birth, I almost wish Darrick didn't want to stop at 2 kids. I would love to do this again.
1. I am so amused at the fact that the morning Rohan was born, I posted a blog entry about how nothing was happening and how good I felt. And then I made a cheeky comment about all the cramping I'd had previous nights possibly meaning a shorter labor. And I was KIDDING...so very not serious, since labor with Luca was 27 hours. Who would have guessed I'd be right....?
2. I was also laughing because my mom and I were talking on our way home from shopping and lunch that day (around noon) about how I was having cramps. I told her I'd had them for about a week every night, but they would go away, and that I was sort of hoping they would mean a faster labor. "But not TOO fast," I enthused. "I'm not hoping for a whirlwind 3 hour labor, but I'd be happy for 8 oe 12 hours." I had Rohan in my arms a mere 4.5 hours later. Hmmm.
3. I think what 'they' say is true about needing to be in the right situation for your body to really LET labor happen. I was contracting, but when I spoke to my MW at about 1:30, I was able to talk to her THROUGH a contraction that was 2 minutes after the prior one. I was also able to take some laundry from the washer and put it in the dryer and to sit on the floor with my friend and her beautiful 8 month old and have a conversation. It wasn't until I saw my husband's face as he came to check on me in the bathroom that it hit me like a ton of bricks that I WAS in labor. Seeing him lifted a weight, and made me feel safe and ready to give birth. From that point on, there was no going back. I was IN LABOR, and hard labor at that.
4. I think it's funny how many people have said they envy my fast labor. First, because I actually wish labor had been a bit longer. I wanted time to use the birth pool to relax. I wanted to be able to hang out with Luca a bit and see how she was handling watching me in labor, rather than having to make a snap decision to get her out of the house. I wanted to walk through contractions and use my birth ball. And, I admit, I REALLY wanted a labor that lasted long enough that I could get some back rubs and hair brushing out of my husband between contractions.
5. I've been wondering what the experience was like for Darrick. The day after, he told me he dreamed about the birth that night, and that he couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't think to ask what he meant, until today. He told me his memory of the birth is peace. He felt at ease and safe and happy, and he was never worried about how it would turn out. He was proud. He was at peace. That made me smile.
6. My only real regrets as far as things I had some control over were that I didn't call and have Darrick come home sooner (like around noon when I was pretty sure this was going to be the day but still thinking I must have HOURS left) and that I didn't open my eyes and see Rohan as he was born. I wish I'd asked my MW and her apprentices to tell me to open my eyes.
7. One more thing about the speed of this labor. Even if I HAD planned on going to the hospital, I'm fairly certain I never would have realized I truly was in labor and made it there in time to get an IV and pain meds. And then I would have been birthing pain-med free in an uncomfy bed. No thanks.
8. I always felt like having this baby at home was the right thing. I never really worried about things going wrong or complicating the pregnancy or birth. I knew transfers happen to some people sometimes, but I never even entertained the thought that I could be 'some people'. I just expected things to go 100% fine and I am SO glad I believed in that. For one, if I'd been under the care of an OB and consistently measuring 1-2 weeks ahead (as I did this entire pregnancy), I probably would have been given an ultrasound to measure baby. And they probably would have guessed him to be pretty large and pushed me for either an induction or a c-section. I would have said no, but I don't know how successful I would have been at fending it off. Say I WAS successful, and ended up going into labor on my own in a hospital and he had that nuchal hand (nuchal hand = hand by the face, which he did indeed have). I knew he was stuck for a few minutes, since I could feel myself pushing but him not moving. My MW handled it by trying to help me push more effectively and by recognizing what was happening and pulling his hand out so he could be born without it impeding progress. Would an OB have done the same? Or would an OB have either pushed for a c-section OR done an episiotomy and then used a vacuum to pull Rohan out? And if the OB HAD used the vacuum, would Rohan's cephalohematoma (which resolved totally on its own by 1 month) have been worse...possibly even causing a skull fracture as they sometimes do when caused by a vacuum? I don't know...but I am damn glad I trusted my body and my MW trusted my baby and me, and I don't HAVE to know the answers to those questions. Once I had time to really THINK about all the different ways this birth could have played out with an OB and a hospital, I knew I made the right choice birthing at home.
I'm still in awe. Honestly, after this experience, in spite of the pain that comes with birth, I almost wish Darrick didn't want to stop at 2 kids. I would love to do this again.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Rohan's Story.
This is the story of Rohan's birth. It's long, so get comfy and grab a cup of coffee before you settle in to read. I've included some pictures too. I will say, they aren't perfect and beautiful, but this is what natural birth looks like, mascara smudges and all.
I am going to attempt to write this birth story and include all the relevant details. It was so amazing, overpowering, shocking...just so much MORE than I expected.
Sunday evening we went to my in-laws' house for dinner to celebrate my brother in law's birthday. I noticed some cramping throughout dinner, but intentionally ignored it since I didn't want to get my hopes up. I'd been having cramps here and there for a week or so. They would come in the evenings after Luca was in bed, but if I tried to time them or concentrate on them (or heaven forbid get excited about them!) they would disappear. So I had decided that until something really noticeable was happening, I would carry on as though they weren't there. I didn't even mention them to my husband, mainly because I was worried he would tell his whole family - - - my husband not being much of a secret-keeper - - - and I didn't want everyone excited in case they fizzled as usual.
After dinner with the in laws, we met my family for dinner to celebrate my mom's birthday. Cramping continued, and I noticed my appetite was almost non-existent. I started to time it when we got home about 9, but by 10:30 it was fading, so I went to bed.
Monday morning (3 days past my EDD) I woke up and decided I was not in the mood to work at home as I usually do on Mondays, so I emailed my boss and told her I planned to take the day off. I called my Midwife Sue at 9 and said "Nothing is happening.", so she suggested we make an appointment for Tuesday at noon, and I agreed. About 10, I talked to my mom, who said she'd come over so we could go shopping and to lunch. I didn't tell her this, but by the time she got over at about 10:45, I was having some cramping like early labor. While shopping, they started to get stronger and spread into my back. I found myself rocking my hips side to side while holding onto the cart and walking. At one point, I tried to sit down to look at a pattern book at the fabric store, and couldn't bear sitting still.
We went to lunch at Chick Fil A after shopping, and at this point sitting to eat was starting to get really uncomfortable. I hardly ate anything, since my appetite was still pretty non-existent. We got home about 12:30. Our friend Natalie and her baby girl Elle came over for a bit. We sat on the floor playing with Elle, and I started to notice that I was REALLY uncomfortable sitting on the floor. I was having to shift positions and move my hips a lot, but I didn't really want to let on to Natalie that I was so uncomfortable so I tried to play it cool while she was there. She left at 1:30, and my mom took Luca up for her nap.
I decided to get on my knees and lean my chest over my yoga ball while my mom was upstairs, to see if the back pain would ease. I was rocking my pelvis back and forward and having to concentrate through the contractions. I also started to time my pains (which I was just now starting to accept WERE contractions and were not going away) on contractionmaster.com. To my GREAT surprise, they were about 3-3.5 minutes apart, but only lasting about 25-45 seconds, and still manageable enough I could talk through them.
After 15 minutes, I decided I should call my MW. I left her a voice mail to the effect of, "Just FYI, contrax are 3-4 minutes apart but manageable. No rush, but if you can stop by later please do."
At 1:50, I called Darrick's work. He had just gone in to teach the last class of the day, so I told the front office I was in labor, but no rush for him to come home, as I was sure we had HOURS still (my labor with Luca was 27 hours!). He has wrestling club after school on Mondays, and I wanted him to come home after class instead of going to that. Thank goodness he got the message at 2:30 and came straight home...
My MW called back from her tax man's office in the West Valley (40 or so minutes away), and I kept trying to reassure her that I was sure I'd be in labor forever and there was no rush to come over. She said to me, "Katie, this is your second baby and your contractions are less than 5 minutes apart. I don't want to miss your birth." She asked if it was ok for her to send her former apprentice, Alison, who's now licensed, to check me so she could tell Sue how progressed I was. I said of course, and she said Alison would call me. When Alison did call, I realized I was having trouble concentrating and couldn't manage to give her directions, so I passed the phone to my mom and went upstairs to go to the bathroom.
At some point, Darrick got home and came upstairs and into the bathroom (I think this was shortly before 3) and asked me how sure I was this was 'IT'. I remember looking at my face in the mirror, and it was white, and telling him, "Please go set up the pool." His eyes got HUGE and he asked if I was ok. I remember telling him that I was starting to get scared by the intensity and speed of things, and was kind of worried with how fast it seemed to be going. He looked me in the eyes and said, "Sue will make it. And if she doesn't, we can do this. All we need is each other." It was in that moment that I relaxed a little. I felt safe, like together we could do anything.
In the time it took me to get downstairs I had 3 contractions. I told Darrick he needed to call Sue back and tell her to head over because I was worried she wouldn't make it in time otherwise.
I laid on the couch on my side, and between contractions I heard my MW's current apprentice, Selena, talking to me, though I don't know when she got there. I was coping with the contractions by shaking my foot vigorously and counting to 10 as I breathed in and out, but their intensity was really shocking me. It seemed like they were one on top of the other, and I still was in denial it was getting so intense so quickly. Alison showed up at 3:15 (I know the time only because she told me later) and asked to check me between contractions. Every time she would get ready to check, I'd have a contraction...that's how close they were together.
A funny aside here: my mom had been hanging out with me until Darrick got home, and had run out to Home Depot for something before Alison showed up. Alison asked Darrick if we had olive oil to use (instead of KY like OBs use) to check my progress. He heard only 'oil', so he came out of the kitchen with the BIGGEST bottle of vegetable oil you could imagine. Between contractions I noticed it and cracked up, telling him she wanted to check my cervix, not stir-fry my placenta.
So Alison checks me and says I'm 5cm and 'paper thin'. She suggests I get upright so baby's head will put pressure on my cervix. Right after she checked me, I thought I felt some fluid leaking, so I told her I thought my water broke, and she confirmed it had. Apparently just her quick check of the cervix was all my body needed to fly into overdrive. I asked if I could get into the pool and she said of course, so in I went. Right away, I had 2 or 3 strong contractions. I'm not sure how she knew, but Alison told Darrick that he needed to help me get my swimsuit bottoms off (yes, while in labor I'd gone upstairs and changed into a bikini with a shirt on top) between my contractions in case I needed to push. I fought them a bit over removing the bottoms because I was starting to freak a little about how fast it was going. With their help I got them off and sunk into the pool. I remember wishing the water was deeper, because during a contraction my back and belly couldn't all be submerged at the same time. But the water felt so nice and welcoming.
At some point during this, my mom returned and I told Darrick to have her get Luca and get out ASAP. I was vocalizing through my contractions at this point and didn't want to scare Luca (who was napping still). My mom ran up to get her, but every time she tried to come down the stairs, I would yell, "NO! Not yet!" because another contraction was coming. She finally escaped between contractions, and not a moment too soon, because I started telling Alison and Selena I thought I was going to push. It really was involuntary...the urge was so strong I could not stop myself. At this point I was on my knees, leaning my upper body onto Darrick's arms and the side of the pool.
They gave me the ok to push, and I was thinking, "No way. There is NO WAY I am ready to push yet! It han't been long enough!". But with the next contraction, I couldn't stop my body from bearing down, so I let it happen on its own. "I'm pushing!! Oh! I'm pushing!" I cried out. I'm not sure if I was proud or shocked or a little of both, but I think I really needed to verbalize what I was doing so someone could assure me it was the right thing. I was still in denial that it was time to push already. They cheered me on and said, "Great! Keep going as long as you feel the urge!"
Somewhere in here, Sue arrived. I heard her and Alison talking, but I was in my zone. It's true what you hear about labor-land. I knew things were happening outside my birth pool, but I couldn't be bothered with focusing on what those things were. They let me just push during contractions for awhile. I was kind of scared of the pain because everyone told me pushing is a relief and not painful, but that was not true for me...while I couldn't feel the contractions anymore, I could feel the baby moving down and it was surprisingly intense. But they were talking to me, telling me I could do it and that my baby was almost here. That, and Darrick telling me over and over how well I was doing and how proud he was got me through and kept me going. He would hold a cool cloth to my forehead and neck while I was pushing, then give me sips of Gatorade or water between contractions.
Throughout the time in the pool, the Midwives were periodically checking my pulse and listening for baby. I was fine as was baby, but they were having trouble hearing baby's heartbeat because it was behind my pubic bone. To be on the safe side, they put a tube with oxygen in front of me during pushing, which was when I realized my MW's other apprentice, Greeta, was also there, as she was holding the tube.
Between contractions, I was laughing and apologizing for making so much noise (really I was just grunting and ocassionally throwing in a profanity or a chant to myself like, "Open for baby, open for baby." or "Come out baby. We're ready. Come out." or "I can I can I can I can I am.") and they were laughing about that. They promised I wasn't even CLOSE to yelling and they had heard WAY louder births. I remember being surprised at how present and clear I felt in the space between contractions. In contrast as soon as I felt the beginnings of the next contraction sneaking up on me ,or, sometimes, barreling over me, I would retreat into my self, focusing only on Darrick's hand holding mine and the feel of the side of the birth pool on my cheek.
After about 30 minutes of pushing, I could feel baby really low. They told me I could feel the head when I pushed, so I reached and felt it and started to cry. Right after that, they suggested I flip over to sitting so I'd have more control and could open my hips more. Because of the pressure, I was fighting opening my legs wide enough, and I needed to be on my butt to do so. They helped me over, and with the next few contractions I pushed from there. I put my hand down and could feel the head, but I kept my eyes closed the whole time.
Usually when you push, baby moves down, and when you stop they go back up a bit. I could feel the movement down and then up through most of the pushing phase, but at this point I would push and could feel that baby was just sitting there in the same spot. Sue suggested I might have better luck out of the water on the birth stool, and I said I didn't want to get out. Mostly, I couldn't imagine hauling myself out of the pool in the midst of all this. I heard her send one of the apprentices out to get the birth stool, and that was all I needed to hear. I had spent months imagining my baby being born into water, and I was determined to make it happen.
I pushed with all my might through the next contraction, and could feel him crowning. It did burn, but only for a second. I thought I felt his head come out, so I was asking, "Is baby out? Is that my baby?" and they said, "No, but you're right there. Keep going!" I couldn't understand why I thought I felt baby come out and they were saying no, but I pushed through the next contraction and felt his head, then his body slide out. That felt like a HUGE relief. Turns out, what I felt earlier that I thought was his head coming out was Sue pulling his right hand up and over his head. He was coming out with his hand by his face, which meant his head was torqued to the side. The odd angle of his head and the hand by the face (nuchal hand) explained why he was just sitting there and not moving while pushing. They told me later that if his hand hadn't been there, he would have been out before Sue had even gotten to my house. He also had his cord very loosely around his neck one time, but as is the case with most nuchal cords, it was never a dangerous situation.
Rohan Morrison Kahle was born at 4:25 p.m.
The amazing Sue continues to support me, even after Rohan is born.
As soon as he was out, I reached down for him and they handed him to me to put him on my chest, and I started to laugh and cry. I kept thanking everyone and saying, "I can't believe we did this!". They corrected me and reminded me *I* did it, which of course made me cry some more. Darrick got the camera and took some pictures (the plan to photograph and video it all went by the wayside when it went so fast), and I just held him for a few minutes. Finally, Darrick lifted baby's leg and we both said, "BOY!".
They cut the cord after it stopped pulsing, and I ended up delivering the placenta in the pool and getting out right after. I got onto the couch and they covered me with blankets because I was shaking (post-birth hormones). By this point I was already feeling fine and not in pain at all. I was laughing about the vegetable oil and talking to everyone as though it were a normal day and I hadn't just given birth in a plastic pool in my living room on a Monday afternoon.
My MW and her apprentices hung out until about 6. In that time, I breastfed Rohan, we went upstairs and they did a newborn check on him, and they checked me for tears. Because of his size, the hand by the face, and the speed of my labor, we expected I may need stitches. My tear ended up being minor enough we opted not to stitch it at all. And I'll tell you....I am having NO pain at all, despite a big baby and a hand by the face. I really think being able to feel what was happening made for a better delivery and recovery. And to answer the question everyone seems to want to know the answer to...NO...I did NOT have to use the skimmer!
Weighing my beautiful son.
Newborn exam.
This was a novel, but I want to remember all the details before they get lost on me. This story is just the facts and details I know I'll want written for posterity. What I'm not sure it captures fully is the intense joy and surrender I felt giving birth to my first son at home, surrounded only by people I asked to attend and supported fully. Throughout my pregnancy, I grew to know and love my birth team, and they were supportive of every decision my family made and provided us a safe space in which we were able to create the birth we desired. It was an amazing experience. There was not a single moment in the whole pregnancy, labor, and birth when I was worried about my safety or Rohan's, and I never even thought about drugs while at home. I felt very safe and very comfortable, and though it was fast and for sure it was painful, it was amazing and I felt SO strong and so loved and supported.
I know homebirth isn't for a lot of people, but it was so amazing, and I'm glad I trusted my body and my baby and my husband and I got to have this beautiful experience.
I am going to attempt to write this birth story and include all the relevant details. It was so amazing, overpowering, shocking...just so much MORE than I expected.
Sunday evening we went to my in-laws' house for dinner to celebrate my brother in law's birthday. I noticed some cramping throughout dinner, but intentionally ignored it since I didn't want to get my hopes up. I'd been having cramps here and there for a week or so. They would come in the evenings after Luca was in bed, but if I tried to time them or concentrate on them (or heaven forbid get excited about them!) they would disappear. So I had decided that until something really noticeable was happening, I would carry on as though they weren't there. I didn't even mention them to my husband, mainly because I was worried he would tell his whole family - - - my husband not being much of a secret-keeper - - - and I didn't want everyone excited in case they fizzled as usual.
After dinner with the in laws, we met my family for dinner to celebrate my mom's birthday. Cramping continued, and I noticed my appetite was almost non-existent. I started to time it when we got home about 9, but by 10:30 it was fading, so I went to bed.
Monday morning (3 days past my EDD) I woke up and decided I was not in the mood to work at home as I usually do on Mondays, so I emailed my boss and told her I planned to take the day off. I called my Midwife Sue at 9 and said "Nothing is happening.", so she suggested we make an appointment for Tuesday at noon, and I agreed. About 10, I talked to my mom, who said she'd come over so we could go shopping and to lunch. I didn't tell her this, but by the time she got over at about 10:45, I was having some cramping like early labor. While shopping, they started to get stronger and spread into my back. I found myself rocking my hips side to side while holding onto the cart and walking. At one point, I tried to sit down to look at a pattern book at the fabric store, and couldn't bear sitting still.
We went to lunch at Chick Fil A after shopping, and at this point sitting to eat was starting to get really uncomfortable. I hardly ate anything, since my appetite was still pretty non-existent. We got home about 12:30. Our friend Natalie and her baby girl Elle came over for a bit. We sat on the floor playing with Elle, and I started to notice that I was REALLY uncomfortable sitting on the floor. I was having to shift positions and move my hips a lot, but I didn't really want to let on to Natalie that I was so uncomfortable so I tried to play it cool while she was there. She left at 1:30, and my mom took Luca up for her nap.
I decided to get on my knees and lean my chest over my yoga ball while my mom was upstairs, to see if the back pain would ease. I was rocking my pelvis back and forward and having to concentrate through the contractions. I also started to time my pains (which I was just now starting to accept WERE contractions and were not going away) on contractionmaster.com. To my GREAT surprise, they were about 3-3.5 minutes apart, but only lasting about 25-45 seconds, and still manageable enough I could talk through them.
After 15 minutes, I decided I should call my MW. I left her a voice mail to the effect of, "Just FYI, contrax are 3-4 minutes apart but manageable. No rush, but if you can stop by later please do."
At 1:50, I called Darrick's work. He had just gone in to teach the last class of the day, so I told the front office I was in labor, but no rush for him to come home, as I was sure we had HOURS still (my labor with Luca was 27 hours!). He has wrestling club after school on Mondays, and I wanted him to come home after class instead of going to that. Thank goodness he got the message at 2:30 and came straight home...
My MW called back from her tax man's office in the West Valley (40 or so minutes away), and I kept trying to reassure her that I was sure I'd be in labor forever and there was no rush to come over. She said to me, "Katie, this is your second baby and your contractions are less than 5 minutes apart. I don't want to miss your birth." She asked if it was ok for her to send her former apprentice, Alison, who's now licensed, to check me so she could tell Sue how progressed I was. I said of course, and she said Alison would call me. When Alison did call, I realized I was having trouble concentrating and couldn't manage to give her directions, so I passed the phone to my mom and went upstairs to go to the bathroom.
At some point, Darrick got home and came upstairs and into the bathroom (I think this was shortly before 3) and asked me how sure I was this was 'IT'. I remember looking at my face in the mirror, and it was white, and telling him, "Please go set up the pool." His eyes got HUGE and he asked if I was ok. I remember telling him that I was starting to get scared by the intensity and speed of things, and was kind of worried with how fast it seemed to be going. He looked me in the eyes and said, "Sue will make it. And if she doesn't, we can do this. All we need is each other." It was in that moment that I relaxed a little. I felt safe, like together we could do anything.
In the time it took me to get downstairs I had 3 contractions. I told Darrick he needed to call Sue back and tell her to head over because I was worried she wouldn't make it in time otherwise.
I laid on the couch on my side, and between contractions I heard my MW's current apprentice, Selena, talking to me, though I don't know when she got there. I was coping with the contractions by shaking my foot vigorously and counting to 10 as I breathed in and out, but their intensity was really shocking me. It seemed like they were one on top of the other, and I still was in denial it was getting so intense so quickly. Alison showed up at 3:15 (I know the time only because she told me later) and asked to check me between contractions. Every time she would get ready to check, I'd have a contraction...that's how close they were together.
A funny aside here: my mom had been hanging out with me until Darrick got home, and had run out to Home Depot for something before Alison showed up. Alison asked Darrick if we had olive oil to use (instead of KY like OBs use) to check my progress. He heard only 'oil', so he came out of the kitchen with the BIGGEST bottle of vegetable oil you could imagine. Between contractions I noticed it and cracked up, telling him she wanted to check my cervix, not stir-fry my placenta.
So Alison checks me and says I'm 5cm and 'paper thin'. She suggests I get upright so baby's head will put pressure on my cervix. Right after she checked me, I thought I felt some fluid leaking, so I told her I thought my water broke, and she confirmed it had. Apparently just her quick check of the cervix was all my body needed to fly into overdrive. I asked if I could get into the pool and she said of course, so in I went. Right away, I had 2 or 3 strong contractions. I'm not sure how she knew, but Alison told Darrick that he needed to help me get my swimsuit bottoms off (yes, while in labor I'd gone upstairs and changed into a bikini with a shirt on top) between my contractions in case I needed to push. I fought them a bit over removing the bottoms because I was starting to freak a little about how fast it was going. With their help I got them off and sunk into the pool. I remember wishing the water was deeper, because during a contraction my back and belly couldn't all be submerged at the same time. But the water felt so nice and welcoming.
At some point during this, my mom returned and I told Darrick to have her get Luca and get out ASAP. I was vocalizing through my contractions at this point and didn't want to scare Luca (who was napping still). My mom ran up to get her, but every time she tried to come down the stairs, I would yell, "NO! Not yet!" because another contraction was coming. She finally escaped between contractions, and not a moment too soon, because I started telling Alison and Selena I thought I was going to push. It really was involuntary...the urge was so strong I could not stop myself. At this point I was on my knees, leaning my upper body onto Darrick's arms and the side of the pool.
They gave me the ok to push, and I was thinking, "No way. There is NO WAY I am ready to push yet! It han't been long enough!". But with the next contraction, I couldn't stop my body from bearing down, so I let it happen on its own. "I'm pushing!! Oh! I'm pushing!" I cried out. I'm not sure if I was proud or shocked or a little of both, but I think I really needed to verbalize what I was doing so someone could assure me it was the right thing. I was still in denial that it was time to push already. They cheered me on and said, "Great! Keep going as long as you feel the urge!"
Somewhere in here, Sue arrived. I heard her and Alison talking, but I was in my zone. It's true what you hear about labor-land. I knew things were happening outside my birth pool, but I couldn't be bothered with focusing on what those things were. They let me just push during contractions for awhile. I was kind of scared of the pain because everyone told me pushing is a relief and not painful, but that was not true for me...while I couldn't feel the contractions anymore, I could feel the baby moving down and it was surprisingly intense. But they were talking to me, telling me I could do it and that my baby was almost here. That, and Darrick telling me over and over how well I was doing and how proud he was got me through and kept me going. He would hold a cool cloth to my forehead and neck while I was pushing, then give me sips of Gatorade or water between contractions.
Throughout the time in the pool, the Midwives were periodically checking my pulse and listening for baby. I was fine as was baby, but they were having trouble hearing baby's heartbeat because it was behind my pubic bone. To be on the safe side, they put a tube with oxygen in front of me during pushing, which was when I realized my MW's other apprentice, Greeta, was also there, as she was holding the tube.
Between contractions, I was laughing and apologizing for making so much noise (really I was just grunting and ocassionally throwing in a profanity or a chant to myself like, "Open for baby, open for baby." or "Come out baby. We're ready. Come out." or "I can I can I can I can I am.") and they were laughing about that. They promised I wasn't even CLOSE to yelling and they had heard WAY louder births. I remember being surprised at how present and clear I felt in the space between contractions. In contrast as soon as I felt the beginnings of the next contraction sneaking up on me ,or, sometimes, barreling over me, I would retreat into my self, focusing only on Darrick's hand holding mine and the feel of the side of the birth pool on my cheek.
After about 30 minutes of pushing, I could feel baby really low. They told me I could feel the head when I pushed, so I reached and felt it and started to cry. Right after that, they suggested I flip over to sitting so I'd have more control and could open my hips more. Because of the pressure, I was fighting opening my legs wide enough, and I needed to be on my butt to do so. They helped me over, and with the next few contractions I pushed from there. I put my hand down and could feel the head, but I kept my eyes closed the whole time.
Usually when you push, baby moves down, and when you stop they go back up a bit. I could feel the movement down and then up through most of the pushing phase, but at this point I would push and could feel that baby was just sitting there in the same spot. Sue suggested I might have better luck out of the water on the birth stool, and I said I didn't want to get out. Mostly, I couldn't imagine hauling myself out of the pool in the midst of all this. I heard her send one of the apprentices out to get the birth stool, and that was all I needed to hear. I had spent months imagining my baby being born into water, and I was determined to make it happen.
I pushed with all my might through the next contraction, and could feel him crowning. It did burn, but only for a second. I thought I felt his head come out, so I was asking, "Is baby out? Is that my baby?" and they said, "No, but you're right there. Keep going!" I couldn't understand why I thought I felt baby come out and they were saying no, but I pushed through the next contraction and felt his head, then his body slide out. That felt like a HUGE relief. Turns out, what I felt earlier that I thought was his head coming out was Sue pulling his right hand up and over his head. He was coming out with his hand by his face, which meant his head was torqued to the side. The odd angle of his head and the hand by the face (nuchal hand) explained why he was just sitting there and not moving while pushing. They told me later that if his hand hadn't been there, he would have been out before Sue had even gotten to my house. He also had his cord very loosely around his neck one time, but as is the case with most nuchal cords, it was never a dangerous situation.
Rohan Morrison Kahle was born at 4:25 p.m.
I love how this picture really captures how powerful and joyful I felt in that moment.
The amazing Sue continues to support me, even after Rohan is born.
As soon as he was out, I reached down for him and they handed him to me to put him on my chest, and I started to laugh and cry. I kept thanking everyone and saying, "I can't believe we did this!". They corrected me and reminded me *I* did it, which of course made me cry some more. Darrick got the camera and took some pictures (the plan to photograph and video it all went by the wayside when it went so fast), and I just held him for a few minutes. Finally, Darrick lifted baby's leg and we both said, "BOY!".
They cut the cord after it stopped pulsing, and I ended up delivering the placenta in the pool and getting out right after. I got onto the couch and they covered me with blankets because I was shaking (post-birth hormones). By this point I was already feeling fine and not in pain at all. I was laughing about the vegetable oil and talking to everyone as though it were a normal day and I hadn't just given birth in a plastic pool in my living room on a Monday afternoon.
My MW and her apprentices hung out until about 6. In that time, I breastfed Rohan, we went upstairs and they did a newborn check on him, and they checked me for tears. Because of his size, the hand by the face, and the speed of my labor, we expected I may need stitches. My tear ended up being minor enough we opted not to stitch it at all. And I'll tell you....I am having NO pain at all, despite a big baby and a hand by the face. I really think being able to feel what was happening made for a better delivery and recovery. And to answer the question everyone seems to want to know the answer to...NO...I did NOT have to use the skimmer!
Weighing my beautiful son.
Newborn exam.
This was a novel, but I want to remember all the details before they get lost on me. This story is just the facts and details I know I'll want written for posterity. What I'm not sure it captures fully is the intense joy and surrender I felt giving birth to my first son at home, surrounded only by people I asked to attend and supported fully. Throughout my pregnancy, I grew to know and love my birth team, and they were supportive of every decision my family made and provided us a safe space in which we were able to create the birth we desired. It was an amazing experience. There was not a single moment in the whole pregnancy, labor, and birth when I was worried about my safety or Rohan's, and I never even thought about drugs while at home. I felt very safe and very comfortable, and though it was fast and for sure it was painful, it was amazing and I felt SO strong and so loved and supported.
I know homebirth isn't for a lot of people, but it was so amazing, and I'm glad I trusted my body and my baby and my husband and I got to have this beautiful experience.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Birth.
It's a BOY!!!
Rohan was born this afternoon, March 16th, at 4:26 p.m., in the birthpool in our home. Labor was VERY fast and intense, and we are both doing very well. He had a hand by his face and his cord was around his neck loosely once, but all that aside, I escaped virtually unharmed and he got a 10/10 on his Apgars right after birth!
Rohan is 8 lb 12 oz, and has light brown hair. He is calm, content, and so peaceful. We are IN LOVE.
Luca is doing so well with him so far. I couldn't be prouder of that sweet girl.
I have so much to post. I've been keeping a running post since last Monday, when I was having cramps I thought were early labor, but I'll have to add the details later. For now, a picture of our sweet boy:
Friday, March 13, 2009
Questions and Answers.
I thought I'd take a few minutes to go over some questions I've received (some fairly common, others sort of unusual) lately. Seems like a good way to kill time (otherwise known as wait impatiently for a baby to arrive).
Question:
How do you keep the water in the birth tub warm?
Answer:
I'm not really sure how this will work in real life, but in my imagination, it's not so hard. I do not plan to fill and get into the birth tub until I am sure I am in active labor (my MW suggests about 5 cm, but does not demand I get checked to prove I am 5 cm first or anything). Our water heater will be turned up so the tub fills very hot. I'll get in and relax.
The water is actually NOT intended to be 'hot' when baby is born in it. It should be close to mom's normal body temperature of 98.6, so ideally by the time baby is born into the water, it will have cooled down to about that temperature. And many moms who've birthed in water say you won't WANT it really hot anyhow, since labor raises your core body temp and too-hot water = too-hot mom. Now, should the water need heating, we can boil some on the stove and add it in, or siphon some out and add more in straight from the tap.
Question:
What do you do with the water when you're done birthing and the pool needs to be emptied?
Answer:
You siphon the water out. You can use a hose to siphon it into the yard, sink, or tub.
Question:
Does the birth pool have stirrups?
Answer:
No. Stirrups are not needed, as mom pushes in whatever position is comfortable for her. Stirrups are only used in labor to get mom in a position that's convenient for the OB or MW attending, and that position can lead to worse tearing or...episiotomies. Which leads ME to....
Question:
What if you need an episiotomy?
Answer:
Episiotomies are very rare, if not non-existent, in home births. I am not even sure if my MW brings the right....tools....to do one. I never asked, as I don't plan on needing one done. She tells me very few of her moms tear at all because they direct the pushing themselves and, in water, the tissues have time to soften enough that there's usually no tearing. What tears she DOES see usually don't even need stitches.
Question:
What about the mess?
Answer:
Most of the 'mess' will be contained in the birth pool. We also have 'drop cloths' of sorts to lay on the floor and bed, and the MW and her apprentice do a cleaning of the house after baby is born, including throwing soiled linens in the wash.
Question:
So about this 'mess' in the pool...isn't it kind of gross and unsanitary to float around with your placenta?
Answer:
I don't plan on bobbing for placenta, if that's what you mean. There will probably be some amniotic fluid and blood (and possible 'debris'...please see fish net post below) in the pool at some point. But the fact is...this is all stuff (ok...maybe not the 'debris') baby is being exposed to in the womb, and is no less safe for baby to be exposed to OUTSIDE the womb. I don't expect it to be a lot, and usually the blood comes after the baby, so it's not like I'll be swimming in it for 10 hours of labor. Also, the placenta is typically delivered outside of the pool, on dry land, so there will be no floating with that either.
Question:
What if baby needs oxygen or CPR? What if mom needs oxygen or bleeds too much? Can the MW handle this?
Answer:
We bought this jar of stuff called Rainbow Puppy Unicorn Magic. You just open the lid, and out comes a magical fairy to sprinkle Rainbow Puppy Unicorn Magic around the room, and all is better. And the bonus is, labor doesn't hurt and AIDS is cured and there is world peace.
Ok, but seriously, people. I do appreciate the concern and curiosity, but we didn't get out MW out of the back of the New Times. We didn't pick her just because she has horses and Luca likes going to see them (though she does, and Luca does). We interviewed 3 potential MWs and asked a ton of questions. Naturally we asked about emergency medical situations and how they are handled. My MW carries oxygen for both baby and mom (maybe even for panicked dads?). She knows First Aid and CPR. She brings pitocin to births in case mom bleeds too much or needs help getting her uterus to clamp down and expel the placenta after baby is born. She is a qualified professional with a LOT of training and experience, and a part of that includes knowing when she needs to call for help. We live less than a mile from the hospital where Luca was born, and an ambulance could be to us in about 2 minutes if need be. About the only thing my MW cannot do that the OBs at the hospital CAN is perform a c-section or give me drugs for the pain.
Question:
What about all the normal things the hospital does? Eye ointment, shots, health checks, etc. Can your MW do those?
Answer:
I've sort of touched on this a few times before, but the answer is yes, if we wish. The big difference here between a home and a hospital birth is that we as the parents can decide what things to have done and what to decline, with full knowledge of the pros and cons, no on-the-spot pressure, and no judgment on our decisions. So, we won't get the eye ointment, we will get the Vitamin K injection and the newborn screening (required by the state anyhow), baby will be weighed and measured....and all this will be done (I hope!) while I lounge in a robe at home in bed.
Question:
Will Luca be there for the birth?
Answer:
It depends. If I go into labor while she's sleeping at night, we'll leave her in bed. If she's awake or wakes up, we'll play it by ear. It's really dependent upon whether I am comfortable with her there, whether H can help me while keeping an eye on her, and what her reaction is to the whole thing. We don't want to exclude her, but we also don't want to scare her, so if we think she'd be better off playing with one of her Grandmas or uncles or a friend, we've got backups on call.
Question:
Who 'catches' the baby?
Answer:
We plan to play it by ear. My MW is more than happy to step back and let Darrick or me do it if all is going well with the birth. I can't predict who will actually end up doing it.
Question:
Who will announce Andre's sex?
Answer:
My MW has told us she doesn't even look unless we ask her to. I'm hoping Darrick will announce it, but this is another thing we can't actually predict for sure in advance.
That's it for now! If you have other questions you want to see answered, feel free to comment here.
Question:
How do you keep the water in the birth tub warm?
Answer:
I'm not really sure how this will work in real life, but in my imagination, it's not so hard. I do not plan to fill and get into the birth tub until I am sure I am in active labor (my MW suggests about 5 cm, but does not demand I get checked to prove I am 5 cm first or anything). Our water heater will be turned up so the tub fills very hot. I'll get in and relax.
The water is actually NOT intended to be 'hot' when baby is born in it. It should be close to mom's normal body temperature of 98.6, so ideally by the time baby is born into the water, it will have cooled down to about that temperature. And many moms who've birthed in water say you won't WANT it really hot anyhow, since labor raises your core body temp and too-hot water = too-hot mom. Now, should the water need heating, we can boil some on the stove and add it in, or siphon some out and add more in straight from the tap.
Question:
What do you do with the water when you're done birthing and the pool needs to be emptied?
Answer:
You siphon the water out. You can use a hose to siphon it into the yard, sink, or tub.
Question:
Does the birth pool have stirrups?
Answer:
No. Stirrups are not needed, as mom pushes in whatever position is comfortable for her. Stirrups are only used in labor to get mom in a position that's convenient for the OB or MW attending, and that position can lead to worse tearing or...episiotomies. Which leads ME to....
Question:
What if you need an episiotomy?
Answer:
Episiotomies are very rare, if not non-existent, in home births. I am not even sure if my MW brings the right....tools....to do one. I never asked, as I don't plan on needing one done. She tells me very few of her moms tear at all because they direct the pushing themselves and, in water, the tissues have time to soften enough that there's usually no tearing. What tears she DOES see usually don't even need stitches.
Question:
What about the mess?
Answer:
Most of the 'mess' will be contained in the birth pool. We also have 'drop cloths' of sorts to lay on the floor and bed, and the MW and her apprentice do a cleaning of the house after baby is born, including throwing soiled linens in the wash.
Question:
So about this 'mess' in the pool...isn't it kind of gross and unsanitary to float around with your placenta?
Answer:
I don't plan on bobbing for placenta, if that's what you mean. There will probably be some amniotic fluid and blood (and possible 'debris'...please see fish net post below) in the pool at some point. But the fact is...this is all stuff (ok...maybe not the 'debris') baby is being exposed to in the womb, and is no less safe for baby to be exposed to OUTSIDE the womb. I don't expect it to be a lot, and usually the blood comes after the baby, so it's not like I'll be swimming in it for 10 hours of labor. Also, the placenta is typically delivered outside of the pool, on dry land, so there will be no floating with that either.
Question:
What if baby needs oxygen or CPR? What if mom needs oxygen or bleeds too much? Can the MW handle this?
Answer:
We bought this jar of stuff called Rainbow Puppy Unicorn Magic. You just open the lid, and out comes a magical fairy to sprinkle Rainbow Puppy Unicorn Magic around the room, and all is better. And the bonus is, labor doesn't hurt and AIDS is cured and there is world peace.
Ok, but seriously, people. I do appreciate the concern and curiosity, but we didn't get out MW out of the back of the New Times. We didn't pick her just because she has horses and Luca likes going to see them (though she does, and Luca does). We interviewed 3 potential MWs and asked a ton of questions. Naturally we asked about emergency medical situations and how they are handled. My MW carries oxygen for both baby and mom (maybe even for panicked dads?). She knows First Aid and CPR. She brings pitocin to births in case mom bleeds too much or needs help getting her uterus to clamp down and expel the placenta after baby is born. She is a qualified professional with a LOT of training and experience, and a part of that includes knowing when she needs to call for help. We live less than a mile from the hospital where Luca was born, and an ambulance could be to us in about 2 minutes if need be. About the only thing my MW cannot do that the OBs at the hospital CAN is perform a c-section or give me drugs for the pain.
Question:
What about all the normal things the hospital does? Eye ointment, shots, health checks, etc. Can your MW do those?
Answer:
I've sort of touched on this a few times before, but the answer is yes, if we wish. The big difference here between a home and a hospital birth is that we as the parents can decide what things to have done and what to decline, with full knowledge of the pros and cons, no on-the-spot pressure, and no judgment on our decisions. So, we won't get the eye ointment, we will get the Vitamin K injection and the newborn screening (required by the state anyhow), baby will be weighed and measured....and all this will be done (I hope!) while I lounge in a robe at home in bed.
Question:
Will Luca be there for the birth?
Answer:
It depends. If I go into labor while she's sleeping at night, we'll leave her in bed. If she's awake or wakes up, we'll play it by ear. It's really dependent upon whether I am comfortable with her there, whether H can help me while keeping an eye on her, and what her reaction is to the whole thing. We don't want to exclude her, but we also don't want to scare her, so if we think she'd be better off playing with one of her Grandmas or uncles or a friend, we've got backups on call.
Question:
Who 'catches' the baby?
Answer:
We plan to play it by ear. My MW is more than happy to step back and let Darrick or me do it if all is going well with the birth. I can't predict who will actually end up doing it.
Question:
Who will announce Andre's sex?
Answer:
My MW has told us she doesn't even look unless we ask her to. I'm hoping Darrick will announce it, but this is another thing we can't actually predict for sure in advance.
That's it for now! If you have other questions you want to see answered, feel free to comment here.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The Things Toddlers Say
I'm warning you now, this is not for the squeamish about bodily functions. It involves a toddler funny, childbirth, and grossness you non-moms of the world would prefer to pretend doesn't really happen.
Warned? Prepared? Choosing to read on?
Ok.
So, I've mentioned and shared photos of the birth pool before. Along with the birth pool there is other 'stuff' you have to have: something waterproof to cover the floor, a hose and adapter to fill it, a floating thermometer, a pump to inflate it, and a fish net. What's THAT, you say? A fish net? Now what in the world would you need...a...fish net....oh. Oh! A fish net. To skim the pool. To remove debris.
Still lost? This is not the post for you. Now is your chance to run!
Debris is waterbirth talk for poop. YES, friends...people DO poop in labor. On dry land, the poop is, er, scooped (?) by the nurses or midwife or whomever. But in water...it requires a fish net and some skimming.
Our 'birth supplies' are all in one place, in the great room, where they can be found and accessed easily when I am in labor. When our MW came over, Darrick took several things out to get to the pool so he could show it to our MW. One of those things was the fish net, which of course Luca was drawn to. She played with it for a bit (don't worry...it's not USED!) and set it next to some of her toys and honestly, I forgot about it...until yesterday. Yesterday, when I saw her holding it, and I said, "Luca what color is that?" (we're working on our colors right now since everything is 'red' to her still). She turns to come over to me, holding it out flat, and says "Red." I correct her ("Green. It's green, Luca.") and she repeats after me. And then, she comes closer, and I see inside of the net, a small brown crayon.
Pointing, I say, "What is that?"
"Poo poooooo!"
(holding back a laugh) "I'm sorry. Did you say poo poo?"
(nodding): "Poo poo! Mama poo poo!" (here she dissolved into laughter)
Now, my dear sweet husband swears that he has not ONCE told her the fish net's purpose in life involves poop skimming. But how else would she know this? And how did the girl who calls EVERYTHING red figure out to put a brown crayon in the net?
Nothing is sacred with a toddler in the house.
Warned? Prepared? Choosing to read on?
Ok.
So, I've mentioned and shared photos of the birth pool before. Along with the birth pool there is other 'stuff' you have to have: something waterproof to cover the floor, a hose and adapter to fill it, a floating thermometer, a pump to inflate it, and a fish net. What's THAT, you say? A fish net? Now what in the world would you need...a...fish net....oh. Oh! A fish net. To skim the pool. To remove debris.
Still lost? This is not the post for you. Now is your chance to run!
Debris is waterbirth talk for poop. YES, friends...people DO poop in labor. On dry land, the poop is, er, scooped (?) by the nurses or midwife or whomever. But in water...it requires a fish net and some skimming.
Our 'birth supplies' are all in one place, in the great room, where they can be found and accessed easily when I am in labor. When our MW came over, Darrick took several things out to get to the pool so he could show it to our MW. One of those things was the fish net, which of course Luca was drawn to. She played with it for a bit (don't worry...it's not USED!) and set it next to some of her toys and honestly, I forgot about it...until yesterday. Yesterday, when I saw her holding it, and I said, "Luca what color is that?" (we're working on our colors right now since everything is 'red' to her still). She turns to come over to me, holding it out flat, and says "Red." I correct her ("Green. It's green, Luca.") and she repeats after me. And then, she comes closer, and I see inside of the net, a small brown crayon.
Pointing, I say, "What is that?"
"Poo poooooo!"
(holding back a laugh) "I'm sorry. Did you say poo poo?"
(nodding): "Poo poo! Mama poo poo!" (here she dissolved into laughter)
Now, my dear sweet husband swears that he has not ONCE told her the fish net's purpose in life involves poop skimming. But how else would she know this? And how did the girl who calls EVERYTHING red figure out to put a brown crayon in the net?
Nothing is sacred with a toddler in the house.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Two exciting updates.
Update #1: Doula, or Dontcha?
Woman. Wife. Mom. And Doula? That's right, friends, it is now official: I am a DOULA! I spent 16 long and exciting and intense and sometimes emotional hours this weekend doing a training with DONA (Doula Association of North America) to become a labor doula.
I am very excited to take this step, and I came to it after a lot of thought and careful consideration. Ever since giving birth to Luca, I've been revisiting my former idea of becoming a nurse. I found pregnancy and childbirth to be incredibly beautiful and empowering times in my life. I enjoyed being pregnant quite a bit, probably in part because I got off fairly easy and didn't have any complications. But even more so, I found childbirth to be an amazing experience. Like many women in America, most of what I heard while pregnant was horror stories and warnings: "Labor is horrible...get the epidural stat!", "My friend's cousin tore from front to back!", "I'd love more kids, but I wish someone else could birth them for me.". It was enough to almost make me scared, but I managed to keep a positive outlook and approach it with the mentality that I was going to take things as they came and allow myself to experience it with an open mind. And I'm so glad I viewed it like that, because now I can say, without a tiny bit of hesitation, that it was amazing and beautiful. Painful? Yes, even with the late-in-the-game epidural. Slightly scary? Sure. But amazing and beautiful none the less.
After giving it a lot of thought, I decided I was not ready to commit myself to years of school and more student loan debt when I have a perfectly good Masters degree I can and do enjoy using. But I wanted to do something. Birth was so powerful and amazing, I wasn't prepared to just let it be something I experience a handful of times. So I looked more into my options, and came to the conclusion that being a Doula is the way for me.
What is a Doula? Well, good question. And I could field, it, but I'll let the experts at DONA explain:
"What is a doula? Giving birth to a baby is so much more than a physical phenomenon; it engages parents-to-be in a transformational experience, a key life event full of emotion and meaning. A doula who accompanies a woman in labor mothers the mother, taking care of her emotional needs throughout childbirth. A doula also provides support and suggestions for partners that can enhance their experiences of birth. A postpartum doula continues that valuable emotional support and guidance, helping a family make a smooth transition into new family dynamics."
source: http://www.dona.org/mothers/index.php
So now that I have done my 16 hours of classes, I am on my way! I can officially call myself a Doula now, but the road to Certification lies ahead. On the horizon: attending 3 births, a childbirth and breastfeeding class, and some paperwork. Once it's all done, I can proudly display those initials that mean I'm certified through DONA behind my name: CD(DONA). I'll keep updating more as I go along, but thanks to my friends who have encouraged me through this journey so far! I am so excited and consider myself honored to be able to be with women and their loved ones through this amazing life stage!!!
Update #2: 20 minutes that changed our lives.
We went out to dinner with my parents this evening, as we do most Sundays. I won't bore you all with the details of the hour and a half it took us to complete a meal we should have finished in 45 minutes (HELLO slow service!), but anyone with a young child knows they cope worse with endless restaurant waits worse than even the surliest husband ever could. So, as has been our routine lately, Luca got restless and we strapped on her little pink sandals and took her cruising around the restaurant lobby area. She's been getting stronger and better at cruising, only needing one hand or even a tiny pinky finger to hold onto for security and balance. So I walked around with her for awhile, letting go on occasion to see if she would take off on her own. No dice. She squatted right down every time, only to be grabbed by me before her hands could fit that (surely filthy) floor.
We got home, and our little Bird was ready to play. As is her usual M.O., she headed over to the stairs to hang onto the banister and climb up and down. So we were both sitting on the floor a few feet from her, and she was standing on the ground level, holding the banister. We called out, "Luca, come here!". She let go of the banister, and lifted one foot, moving it slightly without sitting down. We were SO excited. This was officially her FIRST STEP without assistance! But she wasn't done yet, because then she moved that foot two more times, pivoting in a circle while keeping the other foot firmly planted. Then she sat down and smiled, and everyone (Luca included) gave her a round of applause.
Feeling euphoric, we had her crawl over to us, and Darrick got her up to her feet. Sitting a few feet away, I called for her to come to me and...SHE DID! Yep, just like with crawling, she went from 0 - 60 just like that. Her first 'walk' was about 4 steps, and then she lurched forward and grabbed for me, unsure. I scooped her up and hugged her, and we praised her like mad (oh, to be a baby again and have everyone praise your littlest move or advance!). Smiling, she pulled herself up again. I turned her to face Darrick, he called to her, and she walked back to him. And a star was born!
It had only been about 20 minutes since she was nervously gripping my hand, unsure and afraid to try on her own, and here was our girl, toddling back and forth. The more times she completed this move, the more excited and pleased with herself she got, until finally she was laughing and smiling and clapping as she walked. Oh, what pride we all feel tonight!!!
Of course, I took a lot of videos, because I am THAT MOM. They were all done in dim light (it WAS 9 p.m.), and with our digital camera, so the quality sucks, but WHO CARES?!?!?! My kid is a walker!!!!! (PS: Sorry this video is sideways, but YouTube won't let me turn it around):
By the way, I SO think Update #2 is WAY more exciting than Update #1, but if I'd posted about the new walker in our household first, no one would have read about the Doula thing.
Woman. Wife. Mom. And Doula? That's right, friends, it is now official: I am a DOULA! I spent 16 long and exciting and intense and sometimes emotional hours this weekend doing a training with DONA (Doula Association of North America) to become a labor doula.
I am very excited to take this step, and I came to it after a lot of thought and careful consideration. Ever since giving birth to Luca, I've been revisiting my former idea of becoming a nurse. I found pregnancy and childbirth to be incredibly beautiful and empowering times in my life. I enjoyed being pregnant quite a bit, probably in part because I got off fairly easy and didn't have any complications. But even more so, I found childbirth to be an amazing experience. Like many women in America, most of what I heard while pregnant was horror stories and warnings: "Labor is horrible...get the epidural stat!", "My friend's cousin tore from front to back!", "I'd love more kids, but I wish someone else could birth them for me.". It was enough to almost make me scared, but I managed to keep a positive outlook and approach it with the mentality that I was going to take things as they came and allow myself to experience it with an open mind. And I'm so glad I viewed it like that, because now I can say, without a tiny bit of hesitation, that it was amazing and beautiful. Painful? Yes, even with the late-in-the-game epidural. Slightly scary? Sure. But amazing and beautiful none the less.
After giving it a lot of thought, I decided I was not ready to commit myself to years of school and more student loan debt when I have a perfectly good Masters degree I can and do enjoy using. But I wanted to do something. Birth was so powerful and amazing, I wasn't prepared to just let it be something I experience a handful of times. So I looked more into my options, and came to the conclusion that being a Doula is the way for me.
What is a Doula? Well, good question. And I could field, it, but I'll let the experts at DONA explain:
"What is a doula? Giving birth to a baby is so much more than a physical phenomenon; it engages parents-to-be in a transformational experience, a key life event full of emotion and meaning. A doula who accompanies a woman in labor mothers the mother, taking care of her emotional needs throughout childbirth. A doula also provides support and suggestions for partners that can enhance their experiences of birth. A postpartum doula continues that valuable emotional support and guidance, helping a family make a smooth transition into new family dynamics."
source: http://www.dona.org/mothers/index.php
So now that I have done my 16 hours of classes, I am on my way! I can officially call myself a Doula now, but the road to Certification lies ahead. On the horizon: attending 3 births, a childbirth and breastfeeding class, and some paperwork. Once it's all done, I can proudly display those initials that mean I'm certified through DONA behind my name: CD(DONA). I'll keep updating more as I go along, but thanks to my friends who have encouraged me through this journey so far! I am so excited and consider myself honored to be able to be with women and their loved ones through this amazing life stage!!!
Update #2: 20 minutes that changed our lives.
We went out to dinner with my parents this evening, as we do most Sundays. I won't bore you all with the details of the hour and a half it took us to complete a meal we should have finished in 45 minutes (HELLO slow service!), but anyone with a young child knows they cope worse with endless restaurant waits worse than even the surliest husband ever could. So, as has been our routine lately, Luca got restless and we strapped on her little pink sandals and took her cruising around the restaurant lobby area. She's been getting stronger and better at cruising, only needing one hand or even a tiny pinky finger to hold onto for security and balance. So I walked around with her for awhile, letting go on occasion to see if she would take off on her own. No dice. She squatted right down every time, only to be grabbed by me before her hands could fit that (surely filthy) floor.
We got home, and our little Bird was ready to play. As is her usual M.O., she headed over to the stairs to hang onto the banister and climb up and down. So we were both sitting on the floor a few feet from her, and she was standing on the ground level, holding the banister. We called out, "Luca, come here!". She let go of the banister, and lifted one foot, moving it slightly without sitting down. We were SO excited. This was officially her FIRST STEP without assistance! But she wasn't done yet, because then she moved that foot two more times, pivoting in a circle while keeping the other foot firmly planted. Then she sat down and smiled, and everyone (Luca included) gave her a round of applause.
Feeling euphoric, we had her crawl over to us, and Darrick got her up to her feet. Sitting a few feet away, I called for her to come to me and...SHE DID! Yep, just like with crawling, she went from 0 - 60 just like that. Her first 'walk' was about 4 steps, and then she lurched forward and grabbed for me, unsure. I scooped her up and hugged her, and we praised her like mad (oh, to be a baby again and have everyone praise your littlest move or advance!). Smiling, she pulled herself up again. I turned her to face Darrick, he called to her, and she walked back to him. And a star was born!
It had only been about 20 minutes since she was nervously gripping my hand, unsure and afraid to try on her own, and here was our girl, toddling back and forth. The more times she completed this move, the more excited and pleased with herself she got, until finally she was laughing and smiling and clapping as she walked. Oh, what pride we all feel tonight!!!
Of course, I took a lot of videos, because I am THAT MOM. They were all done in dim light (it WAS 9 p.m.), and with our digital camera, so the quality sucks, but WHO CARES?!?!?! My kid is a walker!!!!! (PS: Sorry this video is sideways, but YouTube won't let me turn it around):
By the way, I SO think Update #2 is WAY more exciting than Update #1, but if I'd posted about the new walker in our household first, no one would have read about the Doula thing.
Friday, November 9, 2007
6 Months
Luca is 6 months old. I cannot believe it. I don't know where the 6 months went, because I could swear it was just a week ago I was pushing that kid out.
Unlike a lot of women I know, childbirth for me was really, truly a beautiful, peaceful, and calm experience. Oh, sure, it hurt. Like nothing I've ever experienced before. It was a pain I could not have imagined. When you're pregnant, everyone tells you that contractions feel like "the worst menstrual cramps ever". Uhhhhh.....if I EVER have menstrual cramps that feel like THAT, I'm going to take a steak knife and carve out my own uterus, relying only on pain relief in the form of a few shots of tequila and a strap of leather to bite. However, despite the pain, I really would do it again tomorrow if it meant having another experience like the one I had and another baby like Luca.
So, now that Luca is 6 months old, I thought I should write about her birth, if only so I never forget all the special moments and little details. Every month that passes, the details get more and more fuzzy, and I want to remember those sweet and painful moments as well as possible.
I had my weekly appointments on Tuesdays at the end of my pregnancy, so my last appointment was exactly a week before Luca was due. It was a normal appointment: I cringed as I stepped on the scale, I tried to pee in a cup and only managed to eek out a few sad drops, I got my blood pressure checked, and my midwife checked my 'progress'. A lot of OBGYNs start checking a pregnant woman to see if she's dilating or effacing as early as 34 weeks. However, I go to an OBGYN practice that has a midwife in it, and I was seeing her. Midwives, in general, tend to be more hands-off about those kinds of things because, as any new mom who was 2 cm dilated and 75% effaced for 3 weeks in a row can tell you, it basically means just about jack shit. So my midwife started checking my progress at 38 weeks, and at my 39 week appointment it was the same: fingertip dilated, 75% effaced. On my way out, my midwife said she'd see me next week unless I had the baby before then, and gave me a reassuring smile.
I started thinking maybe I'd be overdue. My mom had 3 of her 4 kids early (I was the 4th, and the only one who was late), so I'd gone the whole pregnancy thinking that I'd be early. We even had a betting pool with the families, and I bet on April 28th, even though I was due May 8th.
The rest of the week at work was normal, but on Thursday I suddenly thought "Oh my god...I'm due next week! I better wrap everything up by Friday, just in case." I don't know why, but suddenly I had this feeling I wouldn't be back at work the next week.
My mother in law, who was living in NY for work at the time, came into town Friday night. On Saturday, we decided to go over to her house in Tempe to have dinner and watch a fight on TV with Darrick's family. It was De La Hoya vs Mayweather, and it was a good fight. His whole family was packed in the living room watching it, and I sat in one of the recliners, wondering what I ate that was making me feel crampy. The pain was really low and sort of steady, and was also in my lower back. I drank some water, got up and walked around, and thought "This can't be labor. If I was in labor, it would feel different." In childbirth prep classes and books, they tell you contractions are a tightening across your entire belly, but it didn't feel like that, so I didn't say anything. I didn't want to cry wolf and get everyone all worked up if it was something I ate.
When Darrick and I left that night, I couldn't wait to ask him what he thought. We drove home with the windows down, and I told him I thought maybe I was going to be in labor soon. He sort of smiled and said "Ok, sure, honey.", but I knew in my heart this was it. When we got home, I asked him to time the cramps, but they were so erratic we gave up. But the pain was getting stronger. Darrick decided to go to bed, and I tried, but I couldn't sleep. So, as he snored softly, I gathered some things and settled in for a bath. I laid in the tub for a long while, soaking and relaxing, feeling the rhythm of the tightening and pressure. I talked to Luca, rubbing my hands over the smooth lump of her body, telling her I was so excited to meet her and hoped she'd be here soon. After the bath I gave myself a pedicure. Yes...really. It was some sort of odd obsession I got about having pretty and clean feet in labor, since they'd be in my midwife's face. If you're wondering, I made sure ALL the zones she'd be exposed to for extended periods of time were up to par. How very considerate of me, no?
The next 6 hours I felt the contractions - - - which I now recognized as such - - - getting stronger and more regular. I napped off and on downstairs, curling on my side on the couch. I walked out onto the back patio, looking at the white moon in the black night sky, and rubbed my belly and rocked side to side. I imagined what was to come.
Around 6 a.m., I was curled up in bed next to Darrick, hugging my body pillow through contractions. Finally, I woke him up and told him I was sure I was in labor. He suggested I call the midwife, who had given us her cell phone number. Before we did, we timed contractions for about an hour. They were closer together now, but not in any pattern and mostly lasting 30-45 seconds. I called her anyhow, but she thought I sounded too calm to be delivering anytime too soon, so she advised I walk, eat, sleep, relax....just try to stay comfortable and labor at home until I felt like I couldn't wait any more.
So....we waited. I sat on my yoga ball and bounced. Darrick pulled out the video camera and documented us waiting. We tried to watch TV. I fought the urge to call everyone I knew and tell them I was going to give birth soon. I walked, I sat, I crouched. By 1 p.m., I was having pretty regular contractions, but they still weren't in a 5 minute pattern. They'd come every 3 then 7 then 5 then 4 then 2 then 2 then 6 then 4 minutes. Darrick was getting anxious, and thought we should go to the hospital, but I was afraid I'd be sent home and we lived less than a mile away so I thought we should wait. By 3 p.m., I caved and we got into the car. At this point, even sitting was not fun.
We got to L&D, and were sent to triage, where I donned a gown and was hooked to monitors. The baby was doing fine, and I was 4 cm dilated, so I was sent on the dreaded 'Walk the hospital grounds for 45 minutes and come back to be checked.' instructions. By this point, I was not wanting to walk, but I did. We went down the stairs to the basement cafeteria, and the whole way down I pictured me having a bad contraction and tumbling down the steps. In the cafeteria, I was tortured by my husband buying food and eating it as I bent over the back of a chair in pain. Don't worry...he's not an immense asshole...I actually asked him to eat so he wouldn't be hungry an hour later and start whining or -worse - leave me alone. I did have a nice woman come up to me while we were in there and say, "I remember when they made ME walk around when I was in labor...I wanted to tell those assholes where to shove it!". She was my new best friend.
While we were out walking, we called the families to let them know where we were. We asked them not to come down yet as we didn't know if I'd be admitted. When we got back to triage, I was 5 cm, so I was making enough progress to check in to the labor suite....which was SO nice! We settled in and I got in a gown and made myself comfortable. I was having a lot of back pain by this point. It was so bad that the contractions in my belly weren't phasing me that much. Getting comfortable was difficult, so we decided to try the shower. Poor Darrick had to hose my fat pregnant ass down like I was some sort of elephant in the zoo, but DAMN did the shower ever feel good. It was the best 45 minutes of my labor. I wanted to stay in there all damn night! But I had to come out to get monitored, and didn't go back in. I tried the yoga ball, but it wasn't that comfy at the moment. So the rest of the afternoon and evening, I labored in the bed for the most part. I thougt I would want to move around, but the pain in my back was making that hard to do. Instead, I shifted from side to side and kneeled facing the headboard to relieve the pain. We called the families to check in, and I tried to talk to my mother in law and my mom, but I hadn't had any pain meds, so when a contraction came on I tossed the phone to Darrick.
I had gone into pregnancy and labor saying I wasn't sure if I wanted pain meds. Most every mom I know told me I was a damn fool and should get the epidural as soon as medically possible, but I wanted to play it by ear. Before I was IN labor, Darrick was very adamant about me getting the epidural, but when labor hit, he didn't try to push it at all. So I went as long as I could without, but by about 10 p.m., my contractions were one on top of another, and had been that way for about 2 hours, the baby was facing to the side instead of down, I was 8 cm dialted and going into transition so I was shaking like crazy, and I was still having back labor, so I caved. I will say, getting the epidural was VERY painful for me, and I'm not sure why, but within 5 minutes I couldn't feel a thing below the waist. As soon as the epidural was in place, my water finally broke, and I was told to relax until it was time to push. Darrick and I tried to sleep, but were awoken when someone in another room had her baby and we heard the excited "It's a GIRL!". He turned to me and said "Oh my god. We're next! I can't sleep!". I couldn't either, so we called our families and finally allowed them out of their cages to come down and see us. While we waited for them, we took some pictures and talked about how exciting this all was.
The family all got there, and spent maybe 15 minutes with us before I had to be checked again and they were kicked out. It was about 11, and they decided they were ready for me to start pushing. I was offered the mirror, and at first I declined, but the nurse talked me into having it there under the condition that she'd move it if I asked. They turned the epidural down half way so I could feel contractions, but I still didn't feel any. With my ok, they turned it off all the way, and I started to be able to feel the tightening of my belly, but no pain. I pushed through contractions for just over an hour. Unlike in the movies, I did not scream, grunt, curse, or punch. I didn't sweat like crazy, and no crazy nurse was yelling "PUSH! 1......2......3.....keep going!...5......6......7....c'mon mom! push!....9....10...and BREATHE!". Instead, I held my legs and my midwife and Darrick held my pretty, clean, manicured feet (SEE??!!?? It WAS a good idea!) and pushed when I felt a contraction.
The moment she crowned, I looked in the mirror, and goddamnit, that was a beautiful moment. I must say, too, that my midwife was SO kind as to cover up anything ugly or scary and just let me see her little blonde head.
I kept pushing, and I could feel a strange tapping sensation. She got hiccups on her way out, which was kind of funny. Also funny was that we kept saying"C'mon down!" to her and laughing, and my midwife then informed me that she was on Price is Right in the 80s and WON the Showcase Showdown! I KNEW we were in good hands!!!!
When Luca finally emerged, my midwife said "It's a girl!", and placed her sweet, tiny, pink body on my chest and I cried and said "I did it.I did THAT. WOW." And then I looked at her, looked at Darrick, and realized...the kid looked NOTHING LIKE ME. And I cried tears of joy.
Once everyone was cleaned up, my family was allowed in to meet her and take pictures, and then we were left to get to know our newest little family member.
Here I sit, 6 months later, and that night is one of the best nights of my life. I am so lucky to have Luca, and to have a husband who adores his wife and daughter. We are lucky, as a family, to have parents and siblings who support us and adore our little girl. It's been such an incredible 6 months (+ the 9 I was pregnant), and I can't wait to watch Luca as she continues to grow and learn and blossom. She rolls over, she army-crawls, she has great hand-eye coordination, she sits on her own, and she is just so full of joy and smiles and curiosity. She is a daily reminder to me of all that matters in this world and of all the hope I have for the future.
Happy 6 months to us!
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