Officially Overdue.

I am trying not to let it get me down or discouraged. Last night I had some timeable cramping from about 6 - 10:30, but when I went to bed the cramping disappeared. Rather than be annoyed by it, I'm trying to look at it with a positive spin: it probably caused some progress, which means when I DO go into labor, it'll probably be shorter...right? Right. We'll go with that.

Anyhow, I called my MW this morning, and she said it's up to me when we make our next appointment. I went ahead and made it for tomorrow in the hopes Murphy's Law would work and I'd go into labor before the appointment. Oddly, I am feeling pretty good today, other than some cramping here and there, which I am attempting to ignore. I took the day off so I can just relax. I think Luca and I are going to head out for coffee and some mall walking in a bit, and maybe convince my mom to try Eggplant Parmesan for lunch. Wish us luck!!

Oh, and because you HAVE to see the sideshow that is my giant belly, here I am, in all my 40 week + glory. Please ignore the white trash factor of my kid, hair unbrushed, wearing Halloween pajamas in March.

The end of the line.

The closer I get to my due date, the more I understand women who are ready to do most anything to get their baby OUT. I didn't have this feeling with Luca, but I also wasn't as big then as I am now, and Luca wasn't a big baby. Plus, I just think the second pregnancy is harder on the body in some ways. I'm not trying to complain, because I know other women have much rougher pregnancies than I, but the pressure on my pelvis and hipbones, indigestion caused by any and everything I eat (a bran muffin? a bagel? is this for real?) are getting really old.

I am taking comfort in the end being around the bend, though how close no one knows. The predictions are rolling in, with the soonest being March 1st (hello....that's in TWO DAYS!!!) and the furthest being March 18th. I'm thinking it'll fall somewhere in between - maybe a week early? Darrick is still convinced baby will be 'maybe a day early, if that', but what do men know about baby brewing anyhow?

I am getting more and more comments and questions from people everywhere, probably due to the...ehm...enormity of my belly. I hear lots of "How are you feeling?" from people and I always wonder...do you want the truth? I think people fit into one of 2 categories...those who have never birthed a child and/or were only asking to be courteous, and therefore want the sugar-coated niceties. To this group, I usually answer something to the effect of, "Great! Huge, of course, but I'm doing great!" and insert a smile, choking back the acid shooting frozen daggers of torture across my chest and up the back of my throat. The other category is Moms. Moms don't want sugar-coated niceties. In fact, even if you are 'great, thanks!' they don't want to hear it. No one wants to listen to a glowing pregnant woman going on and on about the miracle of life and the joy of a full round belly while in the back of her own Mom (or pregnant) mind she's preparing a shopping list that includes items such as Tucks pads, Zantac, cranberry juice, Colace, and Proactive. No, this category wants to hear the gory and uncomfortable details. They WANT to know that you get indigestion from bran muffins, you cannot sleep at night, and you're pretty sure the baby in your belly is going to weigh 10 pounds based on the fact that it trampolines off your cervix 87 times a day, leaving you gasping in shock and pain.

I also get a lot of questions about whether we are having a boy or a girl. We genuinely don't know, though we both have the same guess. People (strangers, people I know through work, friends, family) love to guess, and usually I love to HEAR the guesses. But there are times I'd rather not hear their reasons. Examples of what I don't want to hear about WHY someone thinks I am carrying a certain way include, "Oh, it must be a girl. You're carrying wide in your hips." (Thanks, asshole, but actually my hips are the SAME EXACT SIZE as they were pre-pregnancy, fuckyouverymuch.) and "It's GOT to be a boy. You're HUGE out front." (Ok this one is true, but c'mon....NO woman needs to hear this, least of all one who's 945 months pregnant and hormonal as hell!). There is a special place in hell for people who comment on a pregnant woman's size in anything but flattering ways. I am not so naive as to believe all pregnant women look beautiful and glowing, but I am wise enough to realize that if a pregnant woman does NOT look like a maternity model, you need to LIE YOUR ASS off and say she does, or shut the hell up. And because I am a glutton for punishment, I am going to share a picture of me at 37 weeks, 1 day pregnant. BEHOLD the 'Orb of Life' (Darrick's nickname for the belly, which lucky for him I found endearing and cute rather than obnoxious and cruel):



Anyhow, I now have maybe 2 weeks left, my body feels like a science experiment, I am flattered people care enough to ask how I'm feeling but unsure how to answer them anymore, and I really am pretty sure this baby is going to be a giant. I've begun to toy with the idea of eating eggplant and popping Evening Primrose Oil, but we'll see what my MW says tomorrow before I try anything too drastic.

Puppies, Bellies, and Dancing Queens.

I feel like my dogs get ignored in this blog. Rest assured, in real life they are still the pampered spoiled brats they've always been. I even have photographic evidence of such lady-of-leisureness happening in our house. Behold, Ruby and Miss Piggy:









I love the picture of Ruby's paws because they are delicious slices of corn chip softness. And the Pig pictures are SO Pig. Luca just ADORES them both!

Second, I wanted to address my belly, which is in the words of someone who shall go unnamed to protect her idenity, "Bigger than it's ever been.". It's not just big, it's got it's own life in there, which is incerdible to witness. Andre is moving around all over the place, kicking and punching and rolling and stretching. The other day I think he/she was standing up in there stretching because when I bent to sit down, it felt like there was something blocking me from bending over. As though someone had lodged a broomstick up under my ribcage and I couldn't bend my torso. Bizarre. Here you see some photographic evidence of my belly's expanding size...and I fully admit to only posting semi-flattering pictures, as much as that is possible.





Last, I love the DSLR for its ability to catch Luca's moments of insane cuteness. Sure, I could use some work on the settings and whatnot, but I managed to capture this moment of wild baby dancing. I can't even remember for sure what she was dancing to, but I love the mid-air shot I captured. And I ADORE this amazing kid.

What happens when a 20-something who is 31 weeks pregnant is asked to speak in front of a crowd of 120+ geriatrics?

Preggo: "So, that concludes my presentation. Any questions?"

Old lady in cat sweater vest: "Is this your first baby?"

Preggo: "No, my second."

Gentleman up front, with the light-sensitive glasses that darken in the sun: "When are you due?"

Preggo: "March."

Silver haired firecracker in back: "Is it a boy...or a girl?"

Yeah. This is SO not what I am here for.

It's probably time for an update.

I'm halfway through this pregnancy, as of this past Sunday. I hit 20 weeks, my belly is looking more pregnant than fat (the fat is there, I just no longer feel obliged to suck it in since people can now pretty much tell I'm pregnant and assume my belly is all because of that), and the baby is starting to become a uterine acrobat. Fabulousness.

I was asked to present a session at a conference today, and it just so happened said conference was put on by the agency I used to work for. This means I ran into a lot of people who I used to work with (Board members, staffs of other agencies in that field, etc.), and for the first time this pregnancy the pointed glances at my belly were quite obvious. Most of the day, it went something like this:

Other Person: "Hey! Good to see you! How are :::looks at my belly::: things?"
Me: "Great! I'm just staying busy with work and family! How are you doing?"
OP: "Great, busy as well. :::Furtive glance at my midsection, questioning whether I could be pregnant or just helped myself to too many buffet trips over lunch::: How's your daughter?"
Me: "She's wonderful! :::Letting them off the hook and rubbing belly::: We're expecting our second baby next March."
OP: "Oh, you are?!?! :::clearly relieved they didn't have to ask, and seemingly presuming I didn't notice the belly stares::: Congratulations!"

Funny enough, EVERY ONE of these conversations involved the OP asking me about Luca, presumably to create a segway for me to either tell them I am pregnant again OR explain how, when she was born her twin was left in my uterus, and that's why my gut looks like an old man's on a beer binge.

There was one lovely woman who, when I offered up that I am expecting baby #2 in March, looked at me in shock and exclaimed, "My daughter is due in March! And she is easily twice your size! You look fabulous!" LOVE LOVE LOVE that woman. Want to fold her up and put her in my pocket, and take her everywhere with me so that when I fell shlumpy or fat or lazy I can unfold her and she can bestow me with praise and compliments.

In other baby news, I've been doing a ton of reading to prep myself for the labor and delivery this time around. Among the books I've read (and there have been many, many books), I'm loving these:

The Birth Partner (by Penny Simkin, who is like the Queen Goddess Supreme of all things pregnancy and birth): This is a fabulous book, which was actually suggested to me as part of my Doula training. It's intended for birth partners (duh), whether they be the baby's dad, a family member, a friend, or a professional such as a doula. Much of the book focuses on natural birth, and each section goes into great detail about what the laboring woman is experiencing, what the birth partner might feel, how they can help mom, and what the medical professionals may be doing. I think it's a great book for partners to read, but it also has been helpful to me because it gives me a better idea of what to expect, what 'signposts' of labor to look for, and comfort measures to try. I really recommend this book!

Birthing From Within (Pam England): A great book about ways to mentally and emotionally prepare for birth. A little crunchy and 'soft', even for my hippie liberal bleeding heart self, but an inspiring and centering read none the less.

Gentle Birth Choices (Barbara Harper): A fabulous book covering a variety of 'gentle' idea for labor and delivery. Covers the basics (lighting, people present, comfort measures), as well as in depth information on things like the history of water birth and data on medical interventions and their safety and risk factors.

In May's Guide to Childbirth (Ina May Gaskin. If Simkin is the Queen Goddess Supreme, Ina May is the Ruler and Protector of All that is Birth): This book is like THE Bible of natural birth. Gaskin is credited with starting The Farm, a commune in Tennessee where natural birth reigns. Her knowledge and experience provide the structure of this book, and it's full of stories and anecdotes. In fact, the first half of the book is entirely birth stories from women who gave birth at The Farm. It's my #1 suggestion for women wanting a med-free delivery. It restored my faith in a woman's body to DO labor without having to be helped or medicated or rushed along.

I have an appointment with my midwife this weekend, and I'm hoping to begin talking to her about prepping for birth. I've been trying to stretch regularly and get out walking as much as I can, since I know those things are important in pregnancy. But I'm hoping she has some other ideas for me of things I can do to prep.

One last weird note: I've noticed that my skin is reacting strangely to metals this pregnancy. I've worn my engagement ring for 7 years, my wedding band for nearly 5, and my earrings for a year now...all without a single problem. However, a few weeks ago I noticed the skin below my rings turning red, itching, and peeling. And just this past weekend, my earlobes started to itch and get red. It's leading me to believe this baby is causing my skin's pH to change....so add that to the list of reasons I suspect we're having a boy.One 20-ish weeks until we know for sure!

POP goes the belly!

It's official...I have a baby belly now. I've been feeling different for a few weeks, but in normal clothes it was not obvious. Yesterday, however, I went into the restroom at work and caught site of a gut in the mirror. I stopped, as customary for most women, and attempted to suck that belly in. No luck. It wasn't going ANYWHERE.

I went back into the office and showed my co-worker. Now, I'm not one of those pregnant women who wants to look pregnant 4 weeks in. I'm not prone to showing off my belly either. But just last week, she was asking me when I'd start showing, so I had to give her a peek and see if she noticed the belly too. She kindly said, "I see something, but barely." Of course, she has to say that because she is skinny and adorable, and cannot risk insulting the hormonal chub in the next office over. But I digress.

Today I was getting dressed and this...this...thing kept getting in the way of wearing my normal clothes. So I put on a loose purple top and black pants and was going about my way. And then it happened, again, in that same restroom at work (what...like it's odd for a pregnant woman to spend lots of time running to the bathroom?). There was that belly, and it was even bigger than the day before.

What happened is what's referred to in pregnancy land as 'popping'. It's when the knocked up chick goes from looking like she's had too many chips and cookies to looking pregnant. Last time it didn't happen until about 25 weeks (though I noticed it right at 18 weeks then too), but I expected it earlier this time. I just really hope this isn't a sign I'm going to END this pregnancy bigger than the last.

8 Weeks.

Today I am 8 weeks pregnant. It's still kind of surreal, but not as much as it was with Luca. This pregnancy is so vastly different already. With Luca, in the first trimester, I never really felt sick but I just had NO appetite. This time around, I feel nauseous half the day, and I need to eat or it gets worse. But, nothing ever sounds good and the nausea is ever present, it seems. I just keep telling myself SO many women have it much worse...so I should just suck it up and be thankful. I think the hardest part about it is that we haven't told my work yet, so it gets tough sitting at work, feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin, and trying to act normal. And it's not like I can bring Saltines in and have them on my desk to snack on. NOTHING says, "Hey, I'm knocked up in here!" like a pack of Saltines on the desk. So I'm trying to find covert tricks to hide how shitty I feel. So far I've tried the following, to varying degrees of success:

- graham crackers: They only really help WHILE being consumed, and unless I want to gain 80 pounds, I can't very well eat them all day long.
- popsicles: Not exactly condusive to work, but they are good for when I'm home, and you can eat them without taking in too many calories.
- carbonated drinks: The problem here is trying not to drink caffeine. So then I have to be obvious with 'Caffeine Free Diet Coke', or slightly less obvious with root beer or sprite. Sometimes these help.
- cheese crackers with PB filling: So far, so good. But a costly and fatty habit to get into
- Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast: the simple carbiness of them helps, but doesn't fill me up for long.

It's been suggested I get ginger candies and eat them, but I'm not there yet. I may cave if it gets worse, not better.

Aside from the morning sickness, I'm really doing pretty well. I'm not quite as bone tired as I was last time, which is a relief. I'm not sure how I would do first trimester exhaustion AND work AND caring for Luca. And I'm not showing yet, although I'm still carrying some of the weight I gained with Luca, so I'll probably just look fat for quite awhile. I did take a picture of my belly last week, which I'll share here, but please do note I am sucking it in. I cannot tell a lie.



On another note, I totally forgot that we changed memory cards the first day of vacation, and I had some pictures on the old one to download. So, I pulled them down and found these, which I thought I should share. We stopped on the drive up to Yosemite to get some peaches and nectarines, fresh off the trees. Apparenlty, Luca LOVED them, because as we were driving, she waited until I turned my head and stole a juicy one from the bag on the seat.