It Seems Clever At the Time

It seems clever at the time, but in reality, the headband/scarf/bandana is the universal sign for "I didn't wash my hair this morning." among women. Isn't it? This morning I planned my entire outfit around laziness, meaning I had to wear something that would match with the only scarf worthy of hair-wearing, a light green and white one which has also served as a belt in a past life when my waist wasn't the circumference of a barrel in which you might see someone tumbling over Niagara Falls. It's now relegated to Greasy Hair Cover, matched with Kelly green pants and a black peasant-feel top. AKA the only clean outfit with which the scarf would blend, thereby hopefully looking more like a thoughtfully chosen accessory than a grease-catcher.

Except that, it's universal. Isn't it? I don't know a single adult woman who has not attempted the whole, too-lazy-to-wash-so-I'll-cover-instead trick. Go ahead...claim you've never done it. You're either lying or scarily germophobic. And so, when I decided to do my daily act of kindness and get coffee for Luca and Rohan's 'nanny'*, I noticed the glance the drive thru chick at Starbucks gave me. It went a little like smile, glance furtively at scarf on customer's head and determine she is attempting to hide grease, smile a little wider.

Because, you see, she didn't wash her hair this morning either. Her wide black headband tells me it's so.

*(a) we call our daycare provider a nanny because she's too fabulous to be called a 'sitter', and 'nanny' makes me feel a little more high class, and (b) ok so I really wanted a nonfat pumpkin spice latte so I could pretend for a moment it's actually going to be fall sometime soon in this hellhole metropolis I call home, but I DID buy he a coffee because I think she's fabulous

Seriously?

Me: "I'd like a grande Lite Blueberries and Cream Frappucino."
Starf*cker: "A blueberries and cream lite frappucino grande?"

Urg.

(See below if you're currenlty confused. And from now on, pay attention.)

Starf*cks

I know many people who won't go to Starbucks, for a variety of reasons. It's overpriced. It's corporate. It's wasteful. It's on every corner.

I am not one of these people. Starbucks is good. Tasty. Creative. Has a convenient drive-thru. And, most of all, it's on every corner. It's good and it's bad. But mostly, when it's 6 a.m. and I slept 3 hours because of Luca and I am expected to be able to function like an awake, alert, professional adult for 8 straight hours, it's good.

If I ever decide, however, to boycott Starbucks, it will be because of the Starf*cks.....the snotty 19 year old Emo kids who are pretty sure making a venti skim machiatto is akin to creating art. I have nothing against 19 year olds, nor against Emo kids. And I truly appreciate those who lovingly craft my morning brew. However, I cannot stand this:

me: "I'd like a Venti nonfat iced latte."
Starf*ck: "That's a nonfat iced venti latte?"

No, Starf*cker, it's a Venti nonfat iced latte. Why can't you repeat it back to me in the same order? Why must you mess with my order? Why, when I have swallowed my pride and adopted your stupid terms instead of ordering a large iced latte with skim milk, can't you humor me?

It matters not how you order the words. Any way you present it, they throw it back to you differently.

Grande hot white mocha with nonfat milk and no whip cream becomes white nonfat mocha with no whip.

Venti iced caramel machiatto, double becomes double iced venti caramel machiatto.

Even a small coffee with cream and sugar becomes coffee, tall with half and half and 3 sugars.

If I wasn't so addicted and drawn in by the convenience of the almighty drive-thru, I'd boycott. How very American of me.