On Monday, went and met with our first midwife candidate. Her office is kind of a drive from our house, but not too bad, especially since she does appointments on Saturdays.
She's in what looks like an older home converted to an office, and she shares space with a yoga studio and something else...not sure what, exactly. We were let in by one of the other women working in one of the offices, and directed to the Midwife's office area. It was a decent sized room with a low futon, desk, and exam table. The exam table was covered with a brown cloth, and above it hung a purple pendant. Behind it, covering the wall, was a cranberry colored gauzy fabric. The floor of her office was exposed cement, and all over were pictures of her 5 (!) kids, as well as things like toys, seashells, and a birth doll and cloth pelvis. My husband kept commenting how how much he liked her office and its 'hippie' vibe. It was pretty cute.
The midwife was SUPER nice and really normal and easy to talk to. We talked a bit about her experience and what led her to midwifery, her rates of episiotomies (almost none) and transfers in labor (2 of 40 births last year), what we envisioned for our care, what her costs include, etc. We got along really well, and my husband liked her a lot, which is nice. She asked some questions about my history and Luca's birth, to make sure I'd be a good candidate, and told me we are 'ideal candidates' for home birth.
All the while, Luca tooled around the office barefoot, playing with the birth doll and the toy blood pressure cuff. Lu was also really interested in the MW's tattoos...one on each wrist, wrapping over the tops of her hands. Every once in awhile, she'd toddle over, grab one of her hands and trace a tattoo, and then pat her leg and walk away. Very sweet.
One extra selling point for her that some may find odd: she is not an overly religious person. Darrick and I are spiritual, but not religious, and in our search for a Midwife, we have noticed SO many of their sites referencing God and His role in birth, or quoting psalms. Don't get me wrong, neither of us has ONE SINGLE PROBLEM with people having strong religious conviction and building their work around it. But, all the same, I'm not into someone being there for my birth who is overly religious and lets it bleed into my care. I just keep picturing us hiring a religious midwife, and her directing me, "Push for Jesus, honey!" and me wanting to push her head under the water in the birthing pool.
So, we talked about this a lot before deciding who to interview, and we feel good about our 3 candidates. While they all MAY BE religious, none of them have it broadcasted all over their websites. I guess Darrick took it for granted that I would KNOW this MW was not religious, because in the middle of the interview, he blurted out, "We are so glad you're not a religious FREAK." Once I recovered from my shock, I realized the MW was laughing and took the comment in stride. I explained we don't care if our MW is religious, we're just not comfortable with her religion infringing on our birth experience. I referenced the websites with psalms and whatnot, and was SO happy to hear her response: "If you're hiring a midwife who tells you if things go wrong she'll be praying for you, you may want to ask what you're paying her for. There's spirituality in birth, and then there's science and knowledge. And science and knowledge HAVE TO win if you want good outcomes."
Ahhhhhh....what a fucking relief to hear her say that...AND to know my dear husband didn't scare her off!!!
So...we really like her! I told her we are interviewing two other women to possibly go with, but we'll get back to her soon. I could TOTALLY see hiring this midwife, but I feel like we owe it to ourselves to at least talk to a few others and see who all if out there. So on we go!
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Happy 14 Months!
Today Luca turned 14 months old. The past month has been a whirlwind of activity and new words from her. She's getting so tall and active. It seems like she went from being a monster-crawler to running around the house full speed in the blink of an eye.
Her biggest developments in the past month were in...well...her mouth! Not only has she sprouted several teeth (some premolars, starting on canines....) but she's also getting very verbal, which is amazing to watch happen! Her vocabulary went from probably a handful of words to being really pretty impressive. Her MOST favorite word (and object) right now is ball, which is said in a high pitch voice as 'Bah.' It's very matter-of-fact when she says it, which is too cute for words. And, on top of it, if you say to her, "Luca, where is the ball?" she shrugs up her little shoulders and goes on a mad search for a ball, calling out, "Bah. Bah. Bah." until she finds one. And then....she chucks it at your head. Ahhh...that's our kid!!!
In addition to 'bah', her other new words are 'nana' (banana), 'hi', 'wow', and 'gah'. Gah, of course, being 'God'...not because we're holy like that, but because she once tipped over in the kitchen, smacking into the wall, and SOMEONE (ok...it was me) exclaimed, "Oh God!". Which, of course, she promtly picked up on and now exclaims herself whenever she falls. Nice. Blasphemy at the tender age of 14 months. Maybe we should have listened to my Mother in law and gotten her baptised after all.
I mentioned before her increased mobility, but it doesn't come without a price. She is fast and pretty agile, but she's still sort of unstable on her feet. The air trips her sometimes (and she yells out, "GAH!"), which is why her latest nickname has become Tippy Tumbles. She tips. She tumbles. She yells out blasphemouos phrases. She's Tippy Tumbles.
The only other exciting (for us) news in Luca's world is that she has started sleeping in a bit in the mornings. Up until about 3 weeks ago, her normal wake-up time was between 5:30 and 6. Just recently, she's taken to sleeping in until 6:30 - 8, which is like a little slice of heaven for us. Nothing like not waking at 5:30 on a Saturday anymore.
Anyhow, I'm sharing some recent pictures here because, well, I think my kid's just THAT cute. Enjoy! And Happy 14 months to us!!!
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Finally, Ponytails, Barettes, and Headbands!
I guess Luca has pretty long hair for her age...or so lots of moms tell me. I think it looks 'average', but this is coming from a mom who had a bob herself by the age of 15 months.
The problem is, her hair is hard to DO anything with. We've been trying to get her used to clip-in bows and barettes, since I see no need to cut her hair just yet, but the front part gets in her eyes. Sometimes we get away with sneaking them in (2 tips: put them in while your kid is sleeping, OR put 2 in, one below the other, so that baby feels a barette, pulls is out, and the top one stays in place), but by and large she HATES stuff on her head. This is nothing new. The kid never liked hats or sunglasses either.
Never one to give up too easily, I kept persisting, and as reward for my patience (haha...me...patient...riiiiight), I've managed to sneak a few cute hair days by her. So, you KNOW I have to share proof of these proud parenting moments, right?
Single barette snuck on while napping.
Taking the 'multiple barettes put in will ensure at least one STAYS in approach' to the extreme.
PONYTAILS!!!
Headband fun!
The headband, amazingly, stayed in for HOURS!
The problem is, her hair is hard to DO anything with. We've been trying to get her used to clip-in bows and barettes, since I see no need to cut her hair just yet, but the front part gets in her eyes. Sometimes we get away with sneaking them in (2 tips: put them in while your kid is sleeping, OR put 2 in, one below the other, so that baby feels a barette, pulls is out, and the top one stays in place), but by and large she HATES stuff on her head. This is nothing new. The kid never liked hats or sunglasses either.
Never one to give up too easily, I kept persisting, and as reward for my patience (haha...me...patient...riiiiight), I've managed to sneak a few cute hair days by her. So, you KNOW I have to share proof of these proud parenting moments, right?
Single barette snuck on while napping.
Taking the 'multiple barettes put in will ensure at least one STAYS in approach' to the extreme.
PONYTAILS!!!
Headband fun!
The headband, amazingly, stayed in for HOURS!
The search
I suppose this deserves a preface of sorts, to put everything in context. When I was pregnant with Luca, we had established my well-woman care with an OBGYN who worked with a Midwife. The midwife who was there when I started going to the office was great, but she left when I was almost 20 weeks. I was kind of nervous about the change and afraid I wouldn't care for the new midwife. I wasn't OVERLY in love with the one there, but both my husband and I felt really comfortable with her, so we were hoping we'd be ok with the new midwife as well.
Well, anyone who knows me knows that I was not only OK with the new midwife, but I really adore her! I also really like the OB, which is fabulous because either one of them might have attended Luca's birth, depending how things went. In fact, I liked them so much that I've referred something like 5 or 6 friends to that practice. I often joke that I should get a referral bonus from them!
Anyhow, I was more than thrilled with the way I was treated while pregnant, as well as with the way my labor and delivery went. And Janice, the wonderful Midwife, is such an amazing, spirited, loving, and supportive person to have there for a birth. I cannot express in simple words how much having her attend Luca's birth meant to both Darrick and me.
So...why "The search for a Midwife", since I already FOUND a great one??? Three simple words: Insurance Maternity Coverage. Darrick and I spent some time earlier this year evaluating our finances, and we kept hitting the same huge wall...the cost of health insurance through either of our jobs was about the same, and that amounted to...well...too damn much. So we started doing some research into buying into an individual plan. My work would pay for me, and his work would pay for him, but neither would cover Luca unless we were willing to take on the cost. When Darrick started his job, we had all switched to his insurance, which meant he was losing about $700 a month from his paychecks, which went straight into the coffers of the insurance company of his employer's choice. We loved the insurance and NEVER had a problem with them, but $700 is a LOT of money. It was offset some by the fact that my employer, when I went off their insurance, started paying the difference out in my paycheck. But $700 is $700, and what that amounts to is a LOT of lost income.
Something else we were considering: the cost of having a baby with employer-sponsored insurance vs with our own individual plan. See, the thing we didn't realize until we looked into it further was that MOST indidivual plans, at least in AZ, do NOT COVER maternity (unless there is a complication of pregnanct) unless you buy a more expensive plan AND unless the baby is born 18 or more months after your coeverage begins. We weren't willing to wait 18 months. So what now?
There are no birthing centers in our area of Arizona, so we called my wonderful Midwife and asked what the cost was to have a pregnancy covered by them, sans insurance. And then we called the hospital where Luca was delivered, and found out what that charge, without an epidural and with an epidural, would be. The total for THAT was only about $400 - $2200 more than we paid WITH insurance. If you do the math, and you pay $700 a month...and you can find your OWN insurance for $150 a month...then you're saving $550 a month. At the LOW end of the self-pay fee schedule, in one month we've MORE than saved the difference. Even at the HIGH end (with an epidural), we still make up the difference in savings in 4 months.
None of this factored in a c-section. Which, with or without insurance (a 20% copay) we'd be screwed if we ended up with one anyhow. And, I never plan on having a c-section (let's hope that's not Famous Last Words), so I decided to not even find OUT the cost of that.
Anyhow, after crunching all the numbers, we decided getting our own covereage and paying for the birth out of pocket route was our better choice.
And then, one day, in the middle of all this discussion, I threw out a 'joke' about our next baby: "If all else fails," I quipped, "we can always set up a pool and I can birth in the kitchen."
Silence. Not the "HELL NO!" I expected from my husband. I glanced over, and he was looking thoughtful. "I mean," I filled in the silence, "it's not like it's unheard of. And we've done this before. And the hardest part would be not having pain meds, but if they weren't here for the offering, I could go without. Women do it every day."
More silence. "It's just something to think about." (Remembering in my head how, last time, he had insisted from the beginning that he didn't want to 'see anything' when Luca was born, and how he was SURE I shouldn't even THINK about going any other route than fully medicated.)
Finally, from my husband, "How much would THAT cost?" (Remembering, at this point, how he had done a 180, and not only watched Luca being born, but cut the cord and encouraged me to not cave to the epidural too early while supporting me through a 26 hour labor...and then how he was 100% behind me when I decided to get the epi.
(Also remembering how he was 'freaked' by breastfeeding before she was born, and then how he was the one who finally got her to latch as I sobbed fat tears at 3 am on our first night home along.)
And so it began...the research...the reading...the Google obsession and the Motheringdotcommune discovery. We soon figured out that homebirth, for us, would be the most economical solution. And, even more importantly, it was a decision I felt most at ease with. The pain thing worried me a little, I admit, but I had always viewed pregnancy and birth as a natural human function, not a disease or something in need of treating. I loved the midwife model of care. And I discovered the more I read, I really WANTED this.
And despite my fear that it would NEVER fly with my husband, he agreed.
Since making this decision, we've told a few people. Amazingly, we've yet to get any outright negative responses from the handful of people we've told. I anticipate lots of questions and weird comments, but we're ready for them (I think).
Well, anyone who knows me knows that I was not only OK with the new midwife, but I really adore her! I also really like the OB, which is fabulous because either one of them might have attended Luca's birth, depending how things went. In fact, I liked them so much that I've referred something like 5 or 6 friends to that practice. I often joke that I should get a referral bonus from them!
Anyhow, I was more than thrilled with the way I was treated while pregnant, as well as with the way my labor and delivery went. And Janice, the wonderful Midwife, is such an amazing, spirited, loving, and supportive person to have there for a birth. I cannot express in simple words how much having her attend Luca's birth meant to both Darrick and me.
So...why "The search for a Midwife", since I already FOUND a great one??? Three simple words: Insurance Maternity Coverage. Darrick and I spent some time earlier this year evaluating our finances, and we kept hitting the same huge wall...the cost of health insurance through either of our jobs was about the same, and that amounted to...well...too damn much. So we started doing some research into buying into an individual plan. My work would pay for me, and his work would pay for him, but neither would cover Luca unless we were willing to take on the cost. When Darrick started his job, we had all switched to his insurance, which meant he was losing about $700 a month from his paychecks, which went straight into the coffers of the insurance company of his employer's choice. We loved the insurance and NEVER had a problem with them, but $700 is a LOT of money. It was offset some by the fact that my employer, when I went off their insurance, started paying the difference out in my paycheck. But $700 is $700, and what that amounts to is a LOT of lost income.
Something else we were considering: the cost of having a baby with employer-sponsored insurance vs with our own individual plan. See, the thing we didn't realize until we looked into it further was that MOST indidivual plans, at least in AZ, do NOT COVER maternity (unless there is a complication of pregnanct) unless you buy a more expensive plan AND unless the baby is born 18 or more months after your coeverage begins. We weren't willing to wait 18 months. So what now?
There are no birthing centers in our area of Arizona, so we called my wonderful Midwife and asked what the cost was to have a pregnancy covered by them, sans insurance. And then we called the hospital where Luca was delivered, and found out what that charge, without an epidural and with an epidural, would be. The total for THAT was only about $400 - $2200 more than we paid WITH insurance. If you do the math, and you pay $700 a month...and you can find your OWN insurance for $150 a month...then you're saving $550 a month. At the LOW end of the self-pay fee schedule, in one month we've MORE than saved the difference. Even at the HIGH end (with an epidural), we still make up the difference in savings in 4 months.
None of this factored in a c-section. Which, with or without insurance (a 20% copay) we'd be screwed if we ended up with one anyhow. And, I never plan on having a c-section (let's hope that's not Famous Last Words), so I decided to not even find OUT the cost of that.
Anyhow, after crunching all the numbers, we decided getting our own covereage and paying for the birth out of pocket route was our better choice.
And then, one day, in the middle of all this discussion, I threw out a 'joke' about our next baby: "If all else fails," I quipped, "we can always set up a pool and I can birth in the kitchen."
Silence. Not the "HELL NO!" I expected from my husband. I glanced over, and he was looking thoughtful. "I mean," I filled in the silence, "it's not like it's unheard of. And we've done this before. And the hardest part would be not having pain meds, but if they weren't here for the offering, I could go without. Women do it every day."
More silence. "It's just something to think about." (Remembering in my head how, last time, he had insisted from the beginning that he didn't want to 'see anything' when Luca was born, and how he was SURE I shouldn't even THINK about going any other route than fully medicated.)
Finally, from my husband, "How much would THAT cost?" (Remembering, at this point, how he had done a 180, and not only watched Luca being born, but cut the cord and encouraged me to not cave to the epidural too early while supporting me through a 26 hour labor...and then how he was 100% behind me when I decided to get the epi.
(Also remembering how he was 'freaked' by breastfeeding before she was born, and then how he was the one who finally got her to latch as I sobbed fat tears at 3 am on our first night home along.)
And so it began...the research...the reading...the Google obsession and the Motheringdotcommune discovery. We soon figured out that homebirth, for us, would be the most economical solution. And, even more importantly, it was a decision I felt most at ease with. The pain thing worried me a little, I admit, but I had always viewed pregnancy and birth as a natural human function, not a disease or something in need of treating. I loved the midwife model of care. And I discovered the more I read, I really WANTED this.
And despite my fear that it would NEVER fly with my husband, he agreed.
Since making this decision, we've told a few people. Amazingly, we've yet to get any outright negative responses from the handful of people we've told. I anticipate lots of questions and weird comments, but we're ready for them (I think).
Friday, July 4, 2008
Two
Note: This was written on July 4th. Along with a few other posts, I wrote it and saved without publishing until I was ready to make it public.
Back in May, I decided to have my IUD removed because Darrick and I knew we wanted to try for a baby again soon. We want at least 2, and we didn't see a point in waiting too long to start trying again.
Well....turns out we didn't have to. I took a pregnancy test this morning, and HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY TO US! Those two little lines came right up in the window before a minute had even passed.
It's weird, finding out you're expecting baby #2. It's surreal and exciting and sort of scary as hell, but in an entirely different way than last time was. It's more scary in the 'How will we deal with two kids on two different schedules...2 carseats...a double stroller...two kids in diapers at once? I know we can handle it, and if we're anywhere near as lucky this time around as we were with Luca, we'll have another super kid to work with. But it's still scary and kind of overwhelming.
It wasn't really, however, much of a surprise. Not only am I apparently one of the most fertile women ever, but I knew about when I *could* get pregnant, and I was more in tune with the signs this time around. I felt implantation pain, and 'knew' it was that instead of just wondering why the hell it hurt so bad. I noticed a slight increase in fatigue over the past few days, as well as that sour belly I had all first trimester with Luca. But the thing that cinched it was when I woke this morning feeling overwhelmingly nauseous. I looked over at Darrick (who knew I kind of suspected something) and asked what I should do. "Take a test." he said.
Sure. Except I had woken hours earlier to pee, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to pee enough to take the test. Regardless, I went into the bathroom, unwrapped the EPT, and copped a squat on the pot. Holding the test in it's spot, I sat there, and nothing happened. Then, from the bedroom, chanting "Take the test! Take the test!"
And just like that, the pee came out and the test was done. I sat on the bed while Darrick went to read the instructions and see how long it would be until we had our answer. Before he could figure that out, though, he looked down and saw, clear as day, 2 pink lines.
And so, another adventure begins!
Back in May, I decided to have my IUD removed because Darrick and I knew we wanted to try for a baby again soon. We want at least 2, and we didn't see a point in waiting too long to start trying again.
Well....turns out we didn't have to. I took a pregnancy test this morning, and HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY TO US! Those two little lines came right up in the window before a minute had even passed.
It's weird, finding out you're expecting baby #2. It's surreal and exciting and sort of scary as hell, but in an entirely different way than last time was. It's more scary in the 'How will we deal with two kids on two different schedules...2 carseats...a double stroller...two kids in diapers at once? I know we can handle it, and if we're anywhere near as lucky this time around as we were with Luca, we'll have another super kid to work with. But it's still scary and kind of overwhelming.
It wasn't really, however, much of a surprise. Not only am I apparently one of the most fertile women ever, but I knew about when I *could* get pregnant, and I was more in tune with the signs this time around. I felt implantation pain, and 'knew' it was that instead of just wondering why the hell it hurt so bad. I noticed a slight increase in fatigue over the past few days, as well as that sour belly I had all first trimester with Luca. But the thing that cinched it was when I woke this morning feeling overwhelmingly nauseous. I looked over at Darrick (who knew I kind of suspected something) and asked what I should do. "Take a test." he said.
Sure. Except I had woken hours earlier to pee, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to pee enough to take the test. Regardless, I went into the bathroom, unwrapped the EPT, and copped a squat on the pot. Holding the test in it's spot, I sat there, and nothing happened. Then, from the bedroom, chanting "Take the test! Take the test!"
And just like that, the pee came out and the test was done. I sat on the bed while Darrick went to read the instructions and see how long it would be until we had our answer. Before he could figure that out, though, he looked down and saw, clear as day, 2 pink lines.
And so, another adventure begins!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Making it as a professional vs Minding your P's and Q's.
There are days when it seems like I am from the last generation of people taught to lead their lives based on some basic tenants:
- Always say please and thank you.
- Be respectful of and never speak back to your elders.
- Don't start a fight just for the sake of arguing.
- If you're going to speak, make sure you've got something to say.
It was morals and belief systems like these that shaped most of my generation in our youth. And our parents, bless our parents, by and large did a good enough job at hammering these things into our little psyches so that we still remember them to this day. More than even remembering, they are ingrained deep into our minds and our mannerisms.
This is great....fantastic, really! Thanks to people like my mom and dad, there are adults like myself running around who always say please and thank you, always hold doors for others, never fail to bless even strangers when they sneeze. We defer to our elders, and we don't make waves when riding out the tide would be easier for everyone involved.
So my question is: how can one balance these basic principles of not being a complete jackass with having a successful professional life?
It's counterintuitive, if you think about it. People such as myself, we make good and do good by remembering our manners and respecting those who are meant to be shown respect. And then...we enter the work world, and suddenly we're not 'assertive' enough. We need to 'speak up' more. We should 'share our opinions' on every little thing from where to have the office lunch to what color to make the logo. And...you know...that is fine. Except, people such as myself sometimes find ourselves shrugging our shoulders and saying 'I can eat wherever.' or 'Black...red....gray...I like them all.' And we're not just SAYING it...we really CAN see the logo in any of those colors, and no matter what we think it'll look great. Is there really anything wrong with that?
Well, yes and no, I suppose. I've never been known as a good decision maker. I will suffer through dinner at Res Lobster - despite being staunchly anti-seafood - if it's what everyone else wants and I can just get a Diet Coke and a salad. I have no problem with the gray OR the red OR the black in the logo. I think it's a bonus to be laid back and adaptable to change. But sometimes, I suppose, in the professional world it is important to be able to make snap decisions and decisevely choose black over gray.
So, what is a girl to do? I can't very well just ignore my mom and dad's teachings whispering to me 'Be nice to that woman, even if she never follows through - after all she's your elder.', can I? And am I supposed to fabricate a strong opinion on green file folders vs blue when really I don't see the damn difference? How do I balance these conflicting parts of my life: the teachings of my parents (which, by the way, I refuse to forget because I think these things also happen to be the markers of decent and kind human beings) vs the expectations places on modern professionals?
I don't have the answer. But I do wonder if anyone else out there does.
- Always say please and thank you.
- Be respectful of and never speak back to your elders.
- Don't start a fight just for the sake of arguing.
- If you're going to speak, make sure you've got something to say.
It was morals and belief systems like these that shaped most of my generation in our youth. And our parents, bless our parents, by and large did a good enough job at hammering these things into our little psyches so that we still remember them to this day. More than even remembering, they are ingrained deep into our minds and our mannerisms.
This is great....fantastic, really! Thanks to people like my mom and dad, there are adults like myself running around who always say please and thank you, always hold doors for others, never fail to bless even strangers when they sneeze. We defer to our elders, and we don't make waves when riding out the tide would be easier for everyone involved.
So my question is: how can one balance these basic principles of not being a complete jackass with having a successful professional life?
It's counterintuitive, if you think about it. People such as myself, we make good and do good by remembering our manners and respecting those who are meant to be shown respect. And then...we enter the work world, and suddenly we're not 'assertive' enough. We need to 'speak up' more. We should 'share our opinions' on every little thing from where to have the office lunch to what color to make the logo. And...you know...that is fine. Except, people such as myself sometimes find ourselves shrugging our shoulders and saying 'I can eat wherever.' or 'Black...red....gray...I like them all.' And we're not just SAYING it...we really CAN see the logo in any of those colors, and no matter what we think it'll look great. Is there really anything wrong with that?
Well, yes and no, I suppose. I've never been known as a good decision maker. I will suffer through dinner at Res Lobster - despite being staunchly anti-seafood - if it's what everyone else wants and I can just get a Diet Coke and a salad. I have no problem with the gray OR the red OR the black in the logo. I think it's a bonus to be laid back and adaptable to change. But sometimes, I suppose, in the professional world it is important to be able to make snap decisions and decisevely choose black over gray.
So, what is a girl to do? I can't very well just ignore my mom and dad's teachings whispering to me 'Be nice to that woman, even if she never follows through - after all she's your elder.', can I? And am I supposed to fabricate a strong opinion on green file folders vs blue when really I don't see the damn difference? How do I balance these conflicting parts of my life: the teachings of my parents (which, by the way, I refuse to forget because I think these things also happen to be the markers of decent and kind human beings) vs the expectations places on modern professionals?
I don't have the answer. But I do wonder if anyone else out there does.
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